Difficult

[blurry]

 New here and im finding it difficult to respond to, or start a new thread because every time i start writing, it turns into an 8 hour read, and i keep just deleting it, its shocking the amount of pain that this relationship has caused me. Just had a 4.5 month honeymoon phase, followed by a 3.5 month phase of push/pull and idealization/devaluation. I think it would of been easier if i saw it all coming. Doubt i would of gotten this hurt, had i known what i was dealing with ahead of time.

[willy45]

Hey man,

No worries about 8 hour long reads. I've posted a bunch of those myself. I'm sure most of us have here. It actually helped to get it all out and help reframe the issue in my own mind. So, feel free! Sometimes the long posts help others too because the stories are so similar.

[Seahorse1]

You can start multiple threads on specific topics... .  Or break things into paragraphs to make the read a bit easier for us!

[blurry]

 Thanks 

[Rose Tiger]

It is very hard to get blindsided.  Things are fine and then... .  things are horrible and it's hard to pinpoint how it could of gone wrong so badly and so quickly.  It does take some reflecting to understand, was it them, was it you.  Writing it out is really helpful, even if you delete it.  Usually it was a bit of both of us, we not understanding what is happening and the partner, that is following a dysfunctional pattern.  We want it to make sense, somehow!

[seeking balance]

New here and im finding it difficult to respond to, or start a new thread because every time i start writing, it turns into an 8 hour read, and i keep just deleting it, its shocking the amount of pain that this relationship has caused me. Just had a 4.5 month honeymoon phase, followed by a 3.5 month phase of push/pull and idealization/devaluation. I think it would of been easier if i saw it all coming. Doubt i would of gotten this hurt, had i known what i was dealing with ahead of time.

I doubt any of us saw it coming.  Keep writing, it is a healthy way to process all this.  I had this forum and a journal - I went back recently and read old posts and old journal pages... .  so many times I wrote, "I just don't understand"

Keep processing that hurt - lean into the pain, this is the healthy way through it!

Peace,

SB

[myself]

Blurry, each one of us could go back and see how things could have gone differently had we only known. The thing to do is focus on the here and now and make the best of it as you move forward. Post as much as you feel to, or journal as has been mentioned, or just write and delete. It helps to get it out. Clarify some of those thoughts, ask the questions, pour your tears through those old details until they turn into the better tea you're going to be today. We've all been there, and are still there, and getting through it is the way to get through it. Reaching out is also an important step along the way. Peace, best wishes.