Freedom

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Freedom & bondage... .  

Our loved ones with BPD are in bondage in their minds & souls.  Where does this bondage come from?  It is deeply rooted in their soul and can infiltrate their very spirit.  The root, as we have learned is rejection/abandonment.

It has become such a deep infiltration and stronghold on their psyche, that they can no longer live free & are no longer in control of their minds/reactions to some degree.

A recent post got me thinking more about this... .  do we ever begin to feel like we have "caught" BPD or it has some how penetrated our being?

When examining this more it makes total sense.  When we are in these relationships we feel rejection, abandonment & betrayal on a deep level.  These are the core actions/feelings that the pwBPD experienced that got into them at a young age so deeply that it altered their mind/personality.  So YES!

At the stage we are in now, we already have developed a sense of self and it doesn't penetrate us to the depth that it did our pwBPD - BUT look at how much it has affected some of us!  You see some of us posting how they are "a shell of the person they once were", have lost themself, etc.

Interesting!  Look at the pain we feel from the rejection/abandonment/betrayal and how it affects us... .  it has been this and MORE for them for it to penetrate so deep for their psyche to become so sick and twisted.

These people with BPD have taken all the rejection/abandonment into themselves and associated it with their value and held onto it all.  We are tempted to do the same thing when faced with the rejection/abandonment they send our way.

The key and only way to be free and heal completely without being "altered" in some way (even if not on the full scale that they have been) is to forgive completely, release & not associate it with our value.

Interesting how the Bible talks about these emotional roots/sickness and how many can become "defiled."  If we look at what we go through in these types of we relationships, we can see a literal example about how certain roots and negative holds can spread to/damage/defile the souls of others. 

How do we practically apply this in our lives?  How do we actually release them & forgive them?  Forgiveness is not a feeling - it is an action & decision.

We have to purpose after forgiveness so that those dark things can't penetrate our souls and harm us and stop us from healing.  We can actually speed up the process of healing by practicing forgiveness and going after it on purpose.

It can take time for our feelings to catch up with our will & choices.  In the beginning even if we say we forgive them, there is still a bunch of hurt and anger when we think of them or what they did. How do we forgive on purpose and actually ACCOMPLISH this freedom from the pain and move on?

I do it on purpose - regularly - until the pain & anger associated with it is gone.  This will set you free big time!  Try it!

Write a list of all the hurts you can think of - be specific!

Start making a point to read out loud the list saying: (daily!)

"I forgive and release (name) now by faith for (whole list - be specific)... .    I hold no offense in my heart toward (name).  I am free to love and I am whole in my heart and their actions & beliefs do not define me or my value.  My heart is healed!"  (I add in Jesus name  ) 

Anyway - if you start doing this every day - or immediately after having some negative contact with them before all those defeating, crushing feelings can grip you it is AWESOME!

Hope this helps someone else today!

[Lady31]

Freedom & bondage... .  

Our loved ones with BPD are in bondage in their minds & souls.  Where does this bondage come from?  It is deeply rooted in their soul and can infiltrate their very spirit.  The root, as we have learned is rejection/abandonment.

It has become such a deep infiltration and stronghold on their psyche, that they can no longer live free & are no longer in control of their minds/reactions to some degree.

A recent post got me thinking more about this... .  do we ever begin to feel like we have "caught" BPD or it has some how penetrated our being?

When examining this more it makes total sense.  When we are in these relationships we feel rejection, abandonment & betrayal on a deep level.  These are the core actions/feelings that the pwBPD experienced that got into them at a young age so deeply that it altered their mind/personality.  So YES!

At the stage we are in now, we already have developed a sense of self and it doesn't penetrate us to the depth that it did our pwBPD - BUT look at how much it has affected some of us!  You see some of us posting how they are "a shell of the person they once were", have lost themself, etc.

Interesting!  Look at the pain we feel from the rejection/abandonment/betrayal and how it affects us... .  it has been this and MORE for them for it to penetrate so deep for their psyche to become so sick and twisted.

These people with BPD have taken all the rejection/abandonment into themselves and associated it with their value and held onto it all.  We are tempted to do the same thing when faced with the rejection/abandonment they send our way.

The key and only way to be free and heal completely without being "altered" in some way (even if not on the full scale that they have been) is to forgive completely, release & not associate it with our value.

Interesting how the Bible talks about these emotional roots/sickness and how many can become "defiled."  If we look at what we go through in these types of we relationships, we can see a literal example about how certain roots and negative holds can spread to/damage/defile the souls of others. 

How do we practically apply this in our lives?  How do we actually release them & forgive them?  Forgiveness is not a feeling - it is an action & decision.

We have to purpose after forgiveness so that those dark things can't penetrate our souls and harm us and stop us from healing.  We can actually speed up the process of healing by practicing forgiveness and going after it on purpose.

It can take time for our feelings to catch up with our will & choices.  In the beginning even if we say we forgive them, there is still a bunch of hurt and anger when we think of them or what they did. How do we forgive on purpose and actually ACCOMPLISH this freedom from the pain and move on?

I do it on purpose - regularly - until the pain & anger associated with it is gone.  This will set you free big time!  Try it!

Write a list of all the hurts you can think of - be specific!

Start making a point to read out loud the list saying: (daily!)

"I forgive and release (name) now by faith for (whole list - be specific)... .    I hold no offense in my heart toward (name).  I am free to love and I am whole in my heart and their actions & beliefs do not define me or my value.  My heart is healed!"  (I add in Jesus name  ) 

Anyway - if you start doing this every day - or immediately after having some negative contact with them before all those defeating, crushing feelings can grip you it is AWESOME!

Hope this helps someone else today!

[Seahorse1]

Lovely and thoughtful post... .  

Thank you

[Rose Tiger]

It is a daily thing, forgiveness is something we have to pick up again and again.  Logically we can understand, disordered, not their fault, need to protect ourselves, emotionally it can be difficult.  In 12 step, my sponsor told me to pray for my dad everyday.  This is still difficult.  When we pray for someone, the bitterness drops away.  Sometimes all I can muster is "bless him, amen".  With my Ex, he did do some wonderful things for me.  Before the mask fell off.  It makes it much easier to forgive him, it helps in understanding his disorder was not his choice.  I can pray much more sincerely for him.

[Seahorse1]

I didn't write much yesterday because sometimes I don't have it in me... .  

So many times I have believed that I forgive my ex and his son who was sexually abusive to me... .  

Then I get mad, I feel like a victim and lash out and say horrible horrible things... .  

How do we forgive without feeling like we "accept" that we were abused?

I mostly need to control my self from lashing out... .  

[Lady31]

Seahorse,

I get where you are coming from in asking that.  Sometimes the anger is what helps us not to hurt as bad too. 

If we let go of the offense, it can feel like we are accepting what they have done or if the anger melts away, then the sad and pain can be felt stronger at times and we would just rather avoid that if possible sometimes.

I think the more we see ourselves with value - the less we need to hold onto the offense.  The more we truely BELIEVE that what they did to us says NOTHING about us, the more we can actually forgive and feel pity toward them.  Even pray that they would find blessing and healing in their life.

It is less & less personal.  I repeat constantly out loud to myself that my BPDh's words, actions etc. do not define my value while I am also verbally stating what I am forgiving him for.  Also, whenever a thought of something horrible he has done or said constantly comes to my mind I condition myself to begin immediately with:

"No, I will not focus on that or take that into my soul.  I am whole in my soul and spirit.  That has no power over me and I take no offense.  I have already forgiven **** of that and I release him and will not pick it up again."

Sometimes I have to do this over and over - but it works!

There is truth in the scripture "The power of life and death are in the tongue."  Purposely choosing to take the time to do this out loud in order to release them, and release all ties they have over you will truely set you free in your heart.

As a man thinks in his heart so is he right?  The more and more that "offense" (and we know there are MANY with them) plays in you, the more it controls you.  The deeper it gets into you.  We think by holding on to it that we are somehow punishing them, or whatever.  Really, we are punishing ourselves.

I have found through different recycles that the healing can come much quicker than we think.

The problem is, our natural response is to start out with building and building and thinking and thinking on all the offenses and hurts.  The bigger we build it in ourselves, the harder it is to KNOCK IT DOWN!

I'm not saying we don't acknowledge and grieve, I am just saying in all the hurts as we go through the process that we start and continue from a place of healing, love, forgiveness & release.  Then we process much quicker, and we can get whole without having the scars in our souls.

Freedom is beautiful!