A question

[Eeoye1]

I am not sure how far I want to delve into my situation in my first post, but I will give an overview and how I got here.  It seems I have suffered from depression my whole life.  I am 40, and have been in and out of treatment for years.  I have researched mental illness quite a bit because of this and have a pretty decent laymans understanding of mental illness.  Pathology, behavior and the like.  About ten years ago I entered into an extremely abusive relationship.  Emotionally, verbally and mentally.  I was stalked by this person for years after finally breaking off the realtionship completly.  I changed dramatically after this.  I had devolped PTSD.  It became acute and paralyzing about a year ago.  I did not leave my house, except to buy food.  Once a week.  For a whole year.  I was evicted form my apartment.  I was forced to function, and it was painful.  However, it was a catalyst for a small window in my fog.  I moved, started limited functioning and got back into treatment.  

During the evaluation to return to treatment, the woman implementing the test asked a series of questions that were quite odd.  She wouldnt tell me what the test was.  I soon learned it was for BPD.  It seems the previous therapist had seen 'symptoms'.  This therapist didnt know her Jung from her elbow.  Honestly, she would argue with me and tell me what I was feeling was 'wrong'... .  so not kidding.  I spent my time trying to convince her of my feelings.  It was not a good match.  When my new therapist mentioned (in passing) this BPD, I was shocked to say the least.  I knew what it was ,knew the behavior and told him I didnt have it.  He argued with me, I was not really upset at first but the more I thought about it, I really had a hard time with the idea.  I told him the similarities between PTSD and BPD, the behaviors are quite close.  He then went on to bull~ me and say it didnt matter, that we would 'be treating the symptoms".  I accepted that, kinda.  

Then yesterday there was a total disconnect in our conversation.  He kept trying to 'guide' me to admit feeling I didnt have.  He kept challenging me to revise my thinking.  I spent the whole hour again trying to convince him what I was feeling was what I was saying.  I got more and more frustrated, he thought it was because of the subject matter. I was reacting to his misguided attempt to treat a disorder I do not have.  I have known for a LONG time my mother has BPD.  SEVERE BPD.  I was looking for research about the odds of misdiagnising PTSD for BPD when I found this site.  In reading information here.  I am realizing there is more of a chance that because of my mother and her behavior there may be what appear to be symptoms because of learned behavior.  ( That I have tried to change... .  a lot)  :)oes anyone have any thought on this? I have  no problem with the idea of having it.  I just know I don't.  I meet one or two criteria and only during my lost year.  

Heres what I'm thinking.  A child of a mother with BPD will exibit learned behavior until they get to adulthood then they would slowly (with self awarness) begin to see the world through a diffrent lense and modify their behavior.  Just a theory.  

I will share my story another time.  I just typed for about a half hour and got booted from the site and lost it.  Hopefully I can gain some insight into being a child of someone with BPD here... .  

 

M~

[ScarletOlive]

Hi Eeoye1,

I'm sorry for what brings you here, but glad you found us! You didn't deserve the abuse from your partner. I suffer from PTSD too, and so I really get how difficult it can be.   While I can't pronounce whether or not you have BPD, you are right that we pick up traits from our relationships with person suffering from BPD. For a lot of us when we first join the site, we carry a lot of these traits-we like to call them fleas.  The great thing about being here is there is so much education and knowledge available to help! A good place to start would be with this article:

BPD: What is it? How can I tell?

I see you found the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw board! The senior members on this board are experienced with and can help you with communication techniques, setting boundaries, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences.

So, welcome to you! Keep posting and reading, and I hope you find lots of healing and support here.

[Suzn]

Hello Eeoye1

Welcome to bpdfamily.com. Im sorry you've had to deal with this frustration with your therapist. I can understand how upsetting that would be. You're right there are parallels with BPD and ptsd. Moving away from the labels may be helpful here. There are several treatments for BPD, one of which is dbt therapy. Does that sound familiar? Dbt is actually good for anyone having struggles with regulating emotions, which a person with ptsd could have. Its all about coping skills and learning to self regulate.

Im really glad you have found us, im looking forward to hearing more of your story. 

[waverider]

Have to agree with taking away the label of diagnosis and treating the symptoms. Most of the therapy programs are not disorder exclusive. They are aimed at treating symptoms exhibited commonly by certain disorders. These symptoms often overlap from one to the other.

Whether these symptoms are ingrained are merely learned (fleas) the treatment is relevant, and will most likely clarify what is really going on once you get into the business of unpicking them

There are several treatment programs including DBT, ACT, SCHEMA, and individual therapist may use a combination of them tailored to deal with whatever they see in front of them.

Unpicking personality disorders is a long frustrating affair and requires openess and commitment, often getting worse before it gets better