She showed up at my apartment

[Depression = 72% of members]

Oneneatguy-

Had same thought... used to think maybe I attracted normal ones and made them nuts... .  but that is not the case. Can recommend a book all about why you attract the women you do... .  "A General Theory of Love"... its pretty good, basically the science behind attraction. Thing is, you may not like what you learn, I didn't. We learn from our primary attachment (usually mom) what love is and just like people say you look for your mom... its sort of like that... .  but the people that you click with and that click with you tend to have a whole lot in common. I didn't see it till reading and thinking about it. Both my exwife and my exBPDgf were pretty similar, the pwBPD was extreme, my exwife a drama queen, but not disordered. However I have dated a lot of gals... and the more it worked... the more messed up the gal. Broke up with one because my   were just too much. About 2 yrs later she had married the guy she dated after me... .  and doused him in his bed with lighter fluid and lit him. All I can say is, my motivation at this point isn't to meet yet another of the same type... but to see if I can change myself and also the type of women I attract.

Its scary stuff, good luck.

[charred]

Oneneatguy-

Had same thought... used to think maybe I attracted normal ones and made them nuts... .  but that is not the case. Can recommend a book all about why you attract the women you do... .  "A General Theory of Love"... its pretty good, basically the science behind attraction. Thing is, you may not like what you learn, I didn't. We learn from our primary attachment (usually mom) what love is and just like people say you look for your mom... its sort of like that... .  but the people that you click with and that click with you tend to have a whole lot in common. I didn't see it till reading and thinking about it. Both my exwife and my exBPDgf were pretty similar, the pwBPD was extreme, my exwife a drama queen, but not disordered. However I have dated a lot of gals... and the more it worked... the more messed up the gal. Broke up with one because my   were just too much. About 2 yrs later she had married the guy she dated after me... .  and doused him in his bed with lighter fluid and lit him. All I can say is, my motivation at this point isn't to meet yet another of the same type... but to see if I can change myself and also the type of women I attract.

Its scary stuff, good luck.

[Oneneatguy]

Thanks for the title of the book, I will download it and give it a read.

I am taking my time, working on other things before I venture into any kind of relationship.  To be honest, I don't know if I want to be in another relationship or not.  If I meet the right person great, but I won't go looking for someone.

[cookiecrumbled]

Charred -

Re: lighter fluid.  NFW.  So your user name is a pun?  Man oh man, we could not make this stuff up, could we? 

Cookie 

[charred]

The guy wasn't hurt, tossed blanket off... divorced immediately (being of sound mind.) Gal had sudden conversion to lesbian... .  but it makes you think a bit about pissing off people you love, or that love you.

No, fiction doesn't get as weird as reality.

[Oneneatguy]

It seems BPD takes many forms of craziness.  What I find amazing is to those who have lived with someone with BPD the stories are believable and real, but to those who haven't had the experience the stories sound crazy.

I am thankful, after reading some of the crazy things on here, I got off easy!

[charred]

Many forms of craziness indeed. And DENIAL... man. My exBPDgf who I had been NC with, now I guess its LC... just contacted me. She was wanting to get back together I think... anyway, she tells me how much she has changed (changed so much) in last few months. So within a few minutes she is back telling me how I am codependent with my exwife, how I am cause of all her problems, how she is a victim (always)... and then she asks... why do I think it didn't work?

I told her we both have issues, and I am working on mine... she called me a Narcissist... I replied "Borderline"... and she dropped off the chat. Then I get texts later... please get on chat. I do, and she is nice for 30 secs, gets back on how everything is my doing... and tells me her T said I was N, and she is not BPD. I point out that she told me she had no T, that she had told me before that when she had one he said she was BPD, and she proceeded to claim that the T she had should be in prison, he is harming people... (painted him black)... and went back to telling me how I am doing horrible things to my exwife by helping her out with money (for my daughter's extra curricular activities)...

So... no change in craziness, no change in being nice, then critical, then hater. No change in denying any responsibility for anything. Still claims to be "The Victim", now can't reconcile both having and not having a T currently.  

Hmm, You did get off easy, and though my life has been derailed twice... I see now that I got off easy, compared to the folks that married their pwBPD.

I have a fraction of the regret I used to that I can't make it work, and a lot more serenity ... .  along the lines of "I am lucky it didn't work out, so lucky."