headaches or any other physical ailment?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Maybe a strange topic but here out goes. Did anyone else experience their ex complaining about horrible splitting headaches?

My ex seemed to develop Very bad headaches to the point she went and saw a specialist. Why is that weird? She never used to get them. Her sister often had to deal with migraines as well. My ex tended to use this as an excuse to mistreat me and abuse me. In the end she even blamed me for the headaches and said I was the reason for them. I was utterly blown away by this statement as I did everything and more to cater to her.

Again, why is this weird? It wouldn't be had I not known a girl previously who I had a relationship with and knew she wasn't being honest with me during it. She had suddenly developed terrible headaches as well. Soon after she left me for the man she was seeing that I had had no knowledge of.

I see a pattern. The body is rejecting the minds own games, and the stress of their lies and double lives are getting to them.

My ex blamed them on stress and then me. After she replaced me she said she felt less stressed. Why the stress to begin with. Oh, maybe because you were hiding the fact you were sleeping with your work mate while I stayed home and took care of your daughter. Yeah, I'd be stressed too.

Or, maybe just a freak occurrence of two different girls lying to my face and suddenly developing cluster headaches?

I know I do not get a headache usually unless I'm stressed, very rare that I get one anymore.

Anyway, thoughts or similarities would be appreciated.

[afterdeath]

Maybe a strange topic but here out goes. Did anyone else experience their ex complaining about horrible splitting headaches?

My ex seemed to develop Very bad headaches to the point she went and saw a specialist. Why is that weird? She never used to get them. Her sister often had to deal with migraines as well. My ex tended to use this as an excuse to mistreat me and abuse me. In the end she even blamed me for the headaches and said I was the reason for them. I was utterly blown away by this statement as I did everything and more to cater to her.

Again, why is this weird? It wouldn't be had I not known a girl previously who I had a relationship with and knew she wasn't being honest with me during it. She had suddenly developed terrible headaches as well. Soon after she left me for the man she was seeing that I had had no knowledge of.

I see a pattern. The body is rejecting the minds own games, and the stress of their lies and double lives are getting to them.

My ex blamed them on stress and then me. After she replaced me she said she felt less stressed. Why the stress to begin with. Oh, maybe because you were hiding the fact you were sleeping with your work mate while I stayed home and took care of your daughter. Yeah, I'd be stressed too.

Or, maybe just a freak occurrence of two different girls lying to my face and suddenly developing cluster headaches?

I know I do not get a headache usually unless I'm stressed, very rare that I get one anymore.

Anyway, thoughts or similarities would be appreciated.

[charred]

Oh yes, migraines... all the time... said I would bring them on (anytime she argued with me much... which was anytime I didn't do what she wanted without question.) She also told me she had panic attacks in past... and when I was breaking up with her just happened to have one... it was the most over the top bizarre soap opera inspired thing I have witnessed. She acted like it was a heart attack/migraine and breathing problem, was slumped on floor asking me to hold her... I started dialing 911, she suddenly felt just enough better for me not to do that... .  I truly wish I had it on video.

The headaches though were something she complained about. She also had touchy digestion, so would only eat somewhat bland food (no spicy anything... and I love spicy stuff.) Said her family had a history of breast cancer, she was scared to death of getting it.

[afterdeath]

Oh yes, migraines... all the time... said I would bring them on (anytime she argued with me much... which was anytime I didn't do what she wanted without question.) She also told me she had panic attacks in past... and when I was breaking up with her just happened to have one... it was the most over the top bizarre soap opera inspired thing I have witnessed. She acted like it was a heart attack/migraine and breathing problem, was slumped on floor asking me to hold her... I started dialing 911, she suddenly felt just enough better for me not to do that... .  I truly wish I had it on video.

The headaches though were something she complained about. She also had touchy digestion, so would only eat somewhat bland food (no spicy anything... and I love spicy stuff.) Said her family had a history of breast cancer, she was scared to death of getting it.

Intriguing thank you for sharing charred. For me I tried logic for her headaches and guessed it was staring at her computer at work all day or even her birth control. But doctors were even stumped quite frankly. She would have one literally every day and some days she'd complain about it others she acted if it was a minor annoyance but still there.was this a test? Or her guilty conscience of the stress she put on herself playing devils advocate with her jar of hearts.

She never seemed to tell anyone else of her headaches and was fine and smiling and her perfect mask was on.

She used to say her mind was always racing and would never relax. Even when she slept she claimed her mind wouldn't let her sleep peacefully. Weird.

Her sister is on meds for depression as I think some form of pd runs through her family. She also complains of migraines but functions fairly well for someone with such a sickening headache. I've had three migraines in my life time. I literally can't move and have to sleep with sunglasses on until it goes away.

Every one is different but the frequency and the when it started occurring are more what interests me as I believe headaches indicate a stress somewhere in the body.

Even more interesting were her reasons ever changing why she got them. With the last reason being me;"you are what creates my headaches".

I was awestruck with my mouth wide opened that she said that. If anything I should have been the cure after all I'd done for her.

[charred]

Quite a few people have headaches when under stress or upset stomachs when worried... I think that pwBPD are more high strung than most people, more emotionally conflicted, so that may be all it is. In the case of my pwBPD, she had some pretty clear secondary gain from her panic attack and convienantly timed migraines. She told me of other migraines... and they were always in a place where she would get sympathy and support, never that she was alone one weekend and bam. So it may be partly some of the manipulation repertoire they have?

Ironically my exwife used to say she had a headache to avoid sex, my exBPDgf... wanted to have sex, then sometimes afterwards would say her head felt like it was going to explode and she felt a migraine coming on... .  liked her timing better I think.  

[afterdeath]

Quite a few people have headaches when under stress or upset stomachs when worried... I think that pwBPD are more high strung than most people, more emotionally conflicted, so that may be all it is. In the case of my pwBPD, she had some pretty clear secondary gain from her panic attack and convienantly timed migraines. She told me of other migraines... and they were always in a place where she would get sympathy and support, never that she was alone one weekend and bam. So it may be partly some of the manipulation repertoire they have?

Ironically my exwife used to say she had a headache to avoid sex, my exBPDgf... wanted to have sex, then sometimes afterwards would say her head felt like it was going to explode and she felt a migraine coming on... .  liked her timing better I think.  

Haha. At least you're truthful. It never seemed to effect the bedroom as it was pretty much always an inconvenience and chore to actually want to be in the mood to rip that.

At least with me anyway. I was yesterdays news.

She used it as an excuse to make me do things she wanted done. A form of control. If they were real then I suspect it was the overpowering shame and guilt

[ricky rick]

Would it be too much to say that I was the one who got the headaches and phyical ailments. After all, they, as BPDs are the ones who cause so much stress for the the non's that I use to get headaches all the time. Also the last straw for me and was when I told her goodbye for good, was when i was feeling like I was ready to have a nervous breakdown. Now mind you, Im in good shape, work out, and take good care of myself. My BPD ex was slowly killing me in every aspect. I said no more and I havent looked back.

[charred]

Ricky Rick

I had occasional headaches... stress/tension induced... in fact my stress level was over the top, had welts. Went to a T, was directed to read "\Eckart Tolle's "A New Earth" and do the mindfulness exercises... and to my amazement the stress left and didn't come back.

The thing with the headaches/panic attacks with my exBPDgf... they seemed like manipulations primarily. Had a number of headaches myself and most were from sinus infections... head pounded, a couple were from stress... and it took an extreme amount of it... .  and they let up when the stress let up. My pwBPD... hers were always right when it would help her get sympathy. The panic attack was funny... .  I swear it was so phony it would have been great on youtube. She wanted me to do something about it... .  but not call an ambulance... .  not do anything but what she wanted in the first place, to ignore my request that she leave and instead have me hold her. I hope no one else has been through such a silly experience, I have described it before, it was about 4 hrs long... .  can laugh about it now.

[TheRealSully]

Oh yeah... .  migraines, headaches, "I think I'm getting sick", "I have a sore throat."  "I think the little scratch on my finger is getting infected."

Pretty much anything and everything she could latch on to to get me to take pity and try to help her in some way.

After 10 years of marriage, I stopped worrying about that crap.  Fake or not, it was ridiculous to hear it every day. 

[TheRealSully]

Oh yeah... .  migraines, headaches, "I think I'm getting sick", "I have a sore throat."  "I think the little scratch on my finger is getting infected."

Pretty much anything and everything she could latch on to to get me to take pity and try to help her in some way.

After 10 years of marriage, I stopped worrying about that crap.  Fake or not, it was ridiculous to hear it every day. 

Though, I would caution you... .  not many people can fake a panic attack.  If she was shaking, had cold, clammy hands and had a racing heart, that was a panic attack.

[charred]

Maybe she didn't fake the panic attack... .  man it seemed phony. She was hyperventilating a bit, racing heart... but normal hands and no shaking. Said they ran in her family (panic attacks)... had been around her for years... but she didn't have one till I told her to leave and she didn't want to. I took it serious, went to dial for ambulance... but no, she wouldn't have any of that. The acting was bad... I swear, it was laughable bad.

It reminds me of a little kid acting... and that is probably the issue... .  I can remember treating her like a 3 yr old (without thinking about it)... .  like "want some ice cream" and the reaction was bouncing up and down manic "sure" with almost uncontrollable excitement. My exwife... "want some ice cream"... .  and a flat... sure, why not.  Both liked ice cream... but one reacted like a child. The panic attack didn't seem genuine at all, not one bit... but I was willing to treat it like it was... .  she could have medical attention and $thousands in ER bills/ambulance bills... .  but somehow that didn't appeal to her.

I think that if I gave her a scooby band-aid and promised her ice cream, bought her string and some boxes to play with... it might have worked out better than it did... but I wanted a partner, not a dependent. So its over.

Never mentioned her physical work ethic... .  she took me to a volunteer cleanup day project once, where we cleaned up a wooded park as a group... .  she spent all of 5 mins sweeping/raking... and was pooped and done for... .  we were there all day. It was comical... .  and about right for a 3 yr old... not so much for a 45 yr old grown woman... .  in reasonable shape. She could go dancing all night... .  but not doing something she didn't want to.

[TheRealSully]

Oh, sounds like maybe she did fake the panic attack.

With just some hyperventilating and a racing heart, she may have take the stress she was feeling and just made it seem worse. 

Panic attacks are no reason to call an ambulance.  I used to have them, mostly when I lived in New York City and there was all that stress all the time. 

I no longer have them (well, had one during this divorce) because I learned they are nothing to fear. 

They can't kill you, tons of people have them and they aren't dangerous, even though you feel like you are dying. 

But yeah, without cold, clammy hands or shaking, that is a pretty weak panic attack.

[apple]

Maybe she didn't fake the panic attack... .  man it seemed phony. She was hyperventilating a bit, racing heart... but normal hands and no shaking. Said they ran in her family (panic attacks)... had been around her for years... but she didn't have one till I told her to leave and she didn't want to. I took it serious, went to dial for ambulance... but no, she wouldn't have any of that. The acting was bad... I swear, it was laughable bad.

It reminds me of a little kid acting... and that is probably the issue... .  I can remember treating her like a 3 yr old (without thinking about it)... .  like "want some ice cream" and the reaction was bouncing up and down manic "sure" with almost uncontrollable excitement. My exwife... "want some ice cream"... .  and a flat... sure, why not.  Both liked ice cream... but one reacted like a child. The panic attack didn't seem genuine at all, not one bit... but I was willing to treat it like it was... .  she could have medical attention and $thousands in ER bills/ambulance bills... .  but somehow that didn't appeal to her.

I think that if I gave her a scooby band-aid and promised her ice cream, bought her string and some boxes to play with... it might have worked out better than it did... but I wanted a partner, not a dependent. So its over.

Never mentioned her physical work ethic... .  she took me to a volunteer cleanup day project once, where we cleaned up a wooded park as a group... .  she spent all of 5 mins sweeping/raking... and was pooped and done for... .  we were there all day. It was comical... .  and about right for a 3 yr old... not so much for a 45 yr old grown woman... .  in reasonable shape. She could go dancing all night... .  but not doing something she didn't want to.

everything is about the appearance of giving or being good but they never truly give of themselves. my ex hardly ever cooked anything in 7 years. In all those years during the holidays her parents would cook and always bring food with them. she never once went out of her way for her parents.

[GustheDog]

Endless physical complaints from my ex, although headaches weren't usually mentioned.

Mine had very severe fatigue issues.  :)on't know whether she was ADD/ADHD - don't think so - but she took amphetamines and stated these were prescribed for the fatigue.  And, true enough, days she didn't take them she wouldn't get out of bed.  Nor could she stay up late - unless she took some extra Adderall, that is.

She also took SSRIs - said they were for anxiety/depression.  She's 27, and had been taking both these drugs since she was 14, or so she told me.  She, unsurprisingly, had an extremely poor self-image and low self-esteem, and displayed some eating-disorder traits that were likely due to this.  Anyway, she once decided she would try to stop taking the SSRIs because she read a couple articles talking about how they're linked to weight gain.  I just rolled my eyes and said, "whatever... .  ," because she does whatever she wants regardless so no reason to waste energy sharing my opinion.  So she stopped taking them for maybe a week and was particularly nasty.  She pointed this out herself, saying her moods get out of control without them.  So she resumed.

Other ailments: lots of abdominal cramps, back pain, other aches, and she had a random and unprovoked (by physical injury) retinal-detachment.  She had emergency surgery and her vision was damaged marginally (correctable with prescriptive eyewear) as a result.

Hard to remember specifics, but she was always going to some doctor for some new "issue."

Also, strong BPD (if not also other PD) traits among *all* the women in her family that I have met.

[charred]

I agree... she always had to maintain a public image of being wholesome and morally upright... it was just a facade though. My exBPDgf did cook though, in fact she is a good cook, very good. My exwife is also very good, so bouncing between them didn't help my weight one bit. I am a terrible cook, and have been eating my own cooking some lately... blech... ick.  I miss both my exwife and exBPDgf's cooking.

I take adderall and ritalin... .  can say its easy to tell if the person is ADHD... in a sense... if they take it and seem to calm down and relax and seem more normal... probably something like ADD/ADHD... most people seem revved up and on something if they are on amphetamines. (Not an official way to tell, but really it is kind of obvious.)

[Ex-Vamp-Slayer]

Migraines, ashma, fatigue, sore hands, teeth grinding... .  The list kept growing as the lies and abuse did... .  

[benny2]

so very interesting. My ex had headaches all the time, backaches all the time, and frequent digestive problems. I also got blamed for them.