Back on L3 - Better Off Than Last Time I Was Here

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi Everyone.

Just exited the L2 undecided board and here I am.

Ended holiday recycle with crazy exgf about 10 days ago and back to limited/NC as of this week. I was here back in Sep when I came apart at the seams after the prior recycle.

This time I have to admit I am not really caring that much or missing my ex too much. I am not looking at her facebook or trying to call her. My last impression of her was her asking me to "loan" her money at the casino. Yuk.

I told the ex via text after the unpleasant meeting that I no longer love her in a romantic way but as a friend.  I expect her to try to come back again but I am finally not 'feelin it' much... .  a minor miracle perhaps.

I know there are people here who are going through total hell. I know what it is like. Know it too well. For about 45 days I could not even look at the L3 board because it would remind me of the horrible feelings and send me into a tailspin.   This time I hope I can in some way be a positive asset to those here who are going through much worse.

I will keep working on myself and try to be good to myself.

Thanks again to everyone.

[nowwhatz]

Hi Everyone.

Just exited the L2 undecided board and here I am.

Ended holiday recycle with crazy exgf about 10 days ago and back to limited/NC as of this week. I was here back in Sep when I came apart at the seams after the prior recycle.

This time I have to admit I am not really caring that much or missing my ex too much. I am not looking at her facebook or trying to call her. My last impression of her was her asking me to "loan" her money at the casino. Yuk.

I told the ex via text after the unpleasant meeting that I no longer love her in a romantic way but as a friend.  I expect her to try to come back again but I am finally not 'feelin it' much... .  a minor miracle perhaps.

I know there are people here who are going through total hell. I know what it is like. Know it too well. For about 45 days I could not even look at the L3 board because it would remind me of the horrible feelings and send me into a tailspin.   This time I hope I can in some way be a positive asset to those here who are going through much worse.

I will keep working on myself and try to be good to myself.

Thanks again to everyone.

[Surnia]

Nowwhatz

I feel for you to be again here... .     

and in the same time I am glad to here that its different now. Sounds good not to looking at her FB account, not to give her monney.

You mad steps out of co-dependency. 

I will keep working on myself and try to be good to myself.

Do you know what helped you to made this step toward more inner freedom?

[nowwhatz]

Nowwhatz

I feel for you to be again here... .   

and in the same time I am glad to here that its different now. Sounds good not to looking at her FB account, not to give her monney.

You mad steps out of co-dependency.  

I will keep working on myself and try to be good to myself.

Do you know what helped you to made this step toward more inner freedom?

thanks!

well itbwas a combination of going through total hell back in september... .  educating myselfbon BPD here at this awesome website... .  and getting what i wanted at the beginning of my most recent recyle and discovering it was boring!

i finally became bored with all of her problems.  the sudden change in feelings from her... .  predictable... .  boring... .  teliing me prestarme dinero at the casino was like something out of a cheesy movie.

outside of the boring BPDness of her heiness reading the material and tools on the L2 board also helped me very much... .  after getting a grasp on some of what it means to be in acceptance and stuck in a BPD r/s inhad to ask myself is this worth it?

evidently not. i am far from out of the woods but am feeling pretty decent... .  no devestation.

[LuckyEscapee]

Congratulations! I loved my UpwBPDexB to pieces, but i couldnt win with anything I did/ thought/said. I remember towards my end thinking that being with him was like applying a drill to my head over and over. Same circular arguments, same bottomless bucket, same word salad. It was all a illusion of a relationship. i finally walked away with sadness, huge confusion, but mostly relief, relief, relief.

[nowwhatz]

Congratulations! I loved my UpwBPDexB to pieces, but i couldnt win with anything I did/ thought/said. I remember towards my end thinking that being with him was like applying a drill to my head over and over. Same circular arguments, same bottomless bucket, same word salad. It was all a illusion of a relationship. i finally walked away with sadness, huge confusion, but mostly relief, relief, relief.

Thank you. I know exactly what you mean. Illusion is about right for me. I am reminded of how on at the very beginning of at least 3 of the last year's recycles the exgf looked at me and said "say it... .  say it"... .  willing me to tell her I love you.   Well last night I became depressed but think it was related to my heavy work schedule and lack of sleep.   I feel a little better today.

Oh and I have been NC for a few days but sent a good morning hope you have a nice weekend text to the exgf today. Maybe not a good idea and I am sure not to get a reply but it is what I wanted to do, and is keeps r/s at acquaintance/friend level, which is where I want it to stay.