My crash course guide for BPD (so far)

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I've had quite some time to absorb and process everything about my ex with BPD.  We only dated 1.5 months but had a 9 month friendship beforehand.

1) They are emotionally unstable.  They can breakdown for any reason but the usual culprits are triggers or emotions that have been building up over some time.  When it is due to a lack of emotional exaltion, this is when I believe they make those "sudden" breaks from reality to regress to whatever it is they find comfort in--drugs, alcohol, other relationships, etc.  It may have been something 2 weeks ago, or it may have been the culmination of a few things that have upset them over time.

2) They have been damaged emotionally from childhood.  Their foundation of comfort and self-worth was denied as a child because of physical or emotional abuse and neglect.  This is why they exhibit the behavior and tantrums of a child, they never grew up and could only get a reaction from their parents through negative emotion.  Any reaction, was a reinforcement of the desperation for attention they sought so they recreate it over and over again.  In these moments you must be able to recognize and give them empathy and emotional support when they want it even if you disagree with what happened. 

3) They are EXTREMELY insecure due to their lack of identity.  They are masters at giving and making you their world but once they have the confidence you are caught in their web they begin to try and find ways to provoke negative responses from their significant other (see #2).  They will test your insecurity, your intelligence, and your boundaries to determine your devotion for them.

4) They lack respect for the opposite sex and will use and abuse them to serve their needs (1-3).  It doesn't matter if you're perfect for them.  You may have been just what they needed at the time but not someone they could see themselves growing as a person with and you need not let it hurt.

Breaking them out of this mold takes time, patience, and minimal emotional outbursts on your behalf.  Any negative response to them in those moments of strong negative emotion will only escalate matters.  You must show them that you know better and are the bigger person and hopefully in time their behavior slowly regresses to less frequent, short-lived episodes over time.  They really are masters at testing whether you truly do love them or not and even when they realize it, it may not enough and the push-pull cycle begins.

[grad]

I've had quite some time to absorb and process everything about my ex with BPD.  We only dated 1.5 months but had a 9 month friendship beforehand.

1) They are emotionally unstable.  They can breakdown for any reason but the usual culprits are triggers or emotions that have been building up over some time.  When it is due to a lack of emotional exaltion, this is when I believe they make those "sudden" breaks from reality to regress to whatever it is they find comfort in--drugs, alcohol, other relationships, etc.  It may have been something 2 weeks ago, or it may have been the culmination of a few things that have upset them over time.

2) They have been damaged emotionally from childhood.  Their foundation of comfort and self-worth was denied as a child because of physical or emotional abuse and neglect.  This is why they exhibit the behavior and tantrums of a child, they never grew up and could only get a reaction from their parents through negative emotion.  Any reaction, was a reinforcement of the desperation for attention they sought so they recreate it over and over again.  In these moments you must be able to recognize and give them empathy and emotional support when they want it even if you disagree with what happened. 

3) They are EXTREMELY insecure due to their lack of identity.  They are masters at giving and making you their world but once they have the confidence you are caught in their web they begin to try and find ways to provoke negative responses from their significant other (see #2).  They will test your insecurity, your intelligence, and your boundaries to determine your devotion for them.

4) They lack respect for the opposite sex and will use and abuse them to serve their needs (1-3).  It doesn't matter if you're perfect for them.  You may have been just what they needed at the time but not someone they could see themselves growing as a person with and you need not let it hurt.

Breaking them out of this mold takes time, patience, and minimal emotional outbursts on your behalf.  Any negative response to them in those moments of strong negative emotion will only escalate matters.  You must show them that you know better and are the bigger person and hopefully in time their behavior slowly regresses to less frequent, short-lived episodes over time.  They really are masters at testing whether you truly do love them or not and even when they realize it, it may not enough and the push-pull cycle begins.

[GreenMango]

Grad is this post meant for the leaving board?  It sounds like more of a staying or undecided board post.

Are you wanting to give it another try with your ex?  No judgment many people do, if so it may be helpful to try out the staying board tools.