back to the leaving board. for good.

[morningagain]

ok, my short and carefree and joyful jaunt over to the undecided board is over.  forever.

I am feeling spiteful, so instead of fighting it, going to channel that energy into becoming everything and more that she (rightly or wrongly or anywhere in between, but always harshly) blamed me and/or accused me for not being

Stable, successful, happy, motivating, healthy of mind, body and spirit, and sober

I enjoyed so much getting harangued daily, all the double standards, mind-exploding twisted logical fallacies (BPD rationalizations) to support her idiotic, hypocritical and evil ways.  I just do not know how I can live without all of that… 

What kind of black magic could make me such a dolt, such a moron, such a doormat… such a drooling, pathetic idiot for so many years – “sure Honey, here you go, take everything I have now please beat the crap out of me again I don’t think I am a bloody heap yet today – oh – you want to lie and cheat on me first before you get to that?  ok!  Have fun!”  (the beatings were metaphoric - after all, that way there were no marks left as evidence - not to say she wasn't physically violent as well, but who's counting?)

finding a lawyer this upcoming week.  will be filing for divorce as soon as possible

[morningagain]

A friend met via group-phone therapy has a great metaphor that suggests what happened to us:

he also was married to a BPD woman – we bend and contort ourselves to try to get close to the unhealthy twisted woman we chose and loved

[turtle]

I am feeling spiteful, so instead of fighting it, going to channel that energy into becoming everything and more that she (rightly or wrongly or anywhere in between, but always harshly) blamed me and/or accused me for not being

Stable, successful, happy, motivating, healthy of mind, body and spirit, and sober

Working toward becoming all of these things is wonderful... .  and as you start working on these things, you won't care what she thinks of you anymore.  And... .  you won't be attracted to someone who is so dysfunctional anymore.    That is when there is peace!

Good for you!

turtle

[Suzn]

Stable, successful, happy, motivating, healthy of mind, body and spirit, and sober