My 8 year old behavior... NOte: His father is Udiagnosed BPD/NPD

[nocrazy]

HI

My son is 8, and he is having a difficult time transitioning from little boy to bigger kid.

His father and I have been separated prettymuch since his birth, but his dad is in his life, and has 2 spent several months stretches living with us while we tried to figure things out (after he got sober)

UnNPD/BPD dad and I are on fair terms. He sees our son 2 days a week for 4 hours after school and one weekend daytime every other week. No sleepovers but one ever with his dad.

Son is diagnosed with Tourettes syndrome, but has had no symptoms for over 5 months (YAY! this is awesome! This means he feels safe and stable)

My main interest is whether he is coming into some BPD type behavior. He sees a therapist 1xweek with me present. Therapist believes he is doing great.

The good:

--He is extremely smart. Is in gifted classes and reads (in second grade) at a 6th grade level. He devours books.

--He exhibits appropriate empathy and sympathy, is sensitive and considerate when he is 'present'.

--He has friends, plays well, is a leader.

--He is musically inclined, sings well and enjoys that.

--He is mostly genuinely happy and content.



The behaviors that concern me are as follows:

--He still eats with his hands. It is difficult to get him to focus and use utensils. He knows HOW to do it. He just reverts to using his hands.It can be maddening.

--He is agitated by simple things such as: brushing hair, brushing teeth, washing hair, clipping nails, getting haircuts. Very agitated. It can be the type of thing that throws a whole day out of whack.

--Almost immediately upon his 8th birthday he has been spacing out -Alot. I have to say his name many times to get his attention.

--He has ripped papers up at school and has been coming home with red behavior marks often. They say he seems to not listen at all.

--He goes from 0-60 in a second flat. Anytime I want to talk or address something other than fun. He cries or rages. This is not new, but it is getting worse. He usually feels so much remorse for his behavior afterwards that he says he is "all bad", and that "no one likes him"

--He openly and clearly expresses a fear of growing older, getting bigger, and that he wants to stay little more and more. He works himself into crying over it.

--sassing me more ofen with a tone of disdain for me. Calls me mean if I just interrupt his play at all. This is new. It is all day sass. All day negativity.

I guess I am kind of afraid that he may have the BPD gene, and I wonder what is normal?

Is it too soon to tell?

I hope and pray that he is not like his dad in that way. His dad is not only hot and cold, prickly and soft, but also suffers with severe anxiety. I hope my little guy is not afflicted like this.

My un BPD (w/NPD traits) ex is aware that he has issues, will not admit any diagnosis he may have had over the years. He was abused pretty severly by his mother when young. unNPD/BPD dad says our son is fine, he is loved and not abused, he has a counselor, he is happy...

I am not sure what to think.

Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[charred]

My dad was anxious and NPD... and the behavior you describe reminds me of being a kid. I was bored with school, smart, but awkward, and ended up day dreaming when class would get boring. And it did... was way too easy. Got a dx of ADHD, and put on Ritalin and it made all the difference in the world. For a long time I thought my issue was ADHD... but I believe it went back to attachment issues and near PTSD from things my dad did... I simply was withdrawling from people based on how bad things were with my folks. The issue I had with my father was he was hypercritical, and indifferent so long as I did everything right and didn't make him look bad... .  he made it clear when I did anything wrong I was an embarassment to him and we had a final falling out when he tried 13 yrs ago to cause my wife a miscarriage... .  and later said he didn't want to be a grandfather, as that would make him seem old (to the gals he was trying to pickup)... what a piece of crap... glad he is out of my life. Anyway, I hope your uNPDex is not that bad, but the ADHD meds did wonders, particularly in college, made it easier to sit and study. I didn't do anything about my issues till midway through last year, when my exBPDgf came back in my life and turned it upside, down ( I divorced after 22 yrs with wife... lost job due to pwBPD, etc... .  put me through wringer)... and my stress was insane... went for stress and mindfulness meditation helped so much I decided to do more, and haven't regretted it. Wondering if I may even be a bit NPD, as I know when pushed I act that way... .  anyway, my points were, it sounds very familiar and ADHD meds helped, and I should have had help back then... not waiting till almost 50... if your ex is BPD or NPD... .  you likely could use some T, as they do a number on you, and typically the SO can use some T.

[mamachelle]

Hey nocrazy

I've been grappling with some of these same worries and concerns myself with my SS10 who has a dx of Mood Disorder-nos and his Pdoc is calling it emerging bipolar.

His mom is BPD. His brother SS 15 has a dx of PDD-NOS and also bipolar among other things...

First -- most clinicians will not dx BPD until teens at earliest.

Second- there is a lot of co-morbidity among disorders and symptoms all start to blend together when you are trying to diagnose your kid which I don't recommend though I am guilty of it 

There was just an interesting thread last week on this:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=192526.msg12185951#msg12185951

Hopefully you can get there from this link above.

I hope this helps a bit.