Thank you

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Reading all these posts are incredibly helpful to me. I don't know that they've helped all that much with the pain (hard to imagine it could be much worse), but they've certainly helped with my understanding and, most importantly, my commitment to NC. I'm 2 weeks out of a break from a 2 year relationship with a woman officially diagnosed with BPD a few days before our break. I guess I technically ended the relationship, but it was more because I insisted on an adult conversation she refused (isn't capable of... .   having.  I thought this woman was someone I'd spend the rest of my life with and I've never felt pain like losing her and then having to acknowledge what we had wasn't even love.  In about 2 weeks of virtually no contact other than to arrange her move out, she has now emailed me 3 times. I have her blocked on phone so she can't call or text.  One of her emails mentioned she tried calling me because she was "scared".  I didn't respond to that part of the email. Her  email yesterday was the most "personal".  Actually, it was several sentences just about "us".   The other emails have begun with something about her mail, etc and then mentioned "us" later.  Even though yesterday's was all personal and tugged at me a little because she ended it with "I miss you", thanks to my reading on this forum and elsewhere about BPD, I realized it wasn't actually about "us".  

It was about her.  It didn't really mention me. She has yet to extend anything in the neighborhood of a genuine apology or show any true empathy towards me or my feelings; not just since the break-up, but in previous ones and really not since I met her.   My mind noticing these things even though my emotions are all over the place is what's keeping me strong, and if it werent for this site and others which have helped me learn about BPD and the importance of NC, I'd have succumb to her efforts to ~ me back by now.   Thank you.

sunrising 

[sunrising]

Reading all these posts are incredibly helpful to me. I don't know that they've helped all that much with the pain (hard to imagine it could be much worse), but they've certainly helped with my understanding and, most importantly, my commitment to NC. I'm 2 weeks out of a break from a 2 year relationship with a woman officially diagnosed with BPD a few days before our break. I guess I technically ended the relationship, but it was more because I insisted on an adult conversation she refused (isn't capable of... .   having.  I thought this woman was someone I'd spend the rest of my life with and I've never felt pain like losing her and then having to acknowledge what we had wasn't even love.  In about 2 weeks of virtually no contact other than to arrange her move out, she has now emailed me 3 times. I have her blocked on phone so she can't call or text.  One of her emails mentioned she tried calling me because she was "scared".  I didn't respond to that part of the email. Her  email yesterday was the most "personal".  Actually, it was several sentences just about "us".   The other emails have begun with something about her mail, etc and then mentioned "us" later.  Even though yesterday's was all personal and tugged at me a little because she ended it with "I miss you", thanks to my reading on this forum and elsewhere about BPD, I realized it wasn't actually about "us".  

It was about her.  It didn't really mention me. She has yet to extend anything in the neighborhood of a genuine apology or show any true empathy towards me or my feelings; not just since the break-up, but in previous ones and really not since I met her.   My mind noticing these things even though my emotions are all over the place is what's keeping me strong, and if it werent for this site and others which have helped me learn about BPD and the importance of NC, I'd have succumb to her efforts to ~ me back by now.   Thank you.

sunrising 

[trevjim]

  I too want to thank people, this board is the best help for me at the moment.

Hope you keep well Bradboulet

[waitaminute]

at some point you will have to step out on your own ... .  without the forum. But for now, you are right. These stories help with our NC committment. And NC is so important if you want clarity. The pain will decrease. Your personality will come back. The questions about "Is it me that is the problem?" will go away.

Still... .  you got a steep hill in front of you. Pace yourself.

[Rose Tiger]

You are fortunate to have an official diagnosis, lots of us go through a time of wondering if they are really the disordered ones.  Hang in there, she is likely to amp it up on the contact. 

[sunrising]

I have left her the email option only in the event there is some "formality" she genuinely needs to contact me regarding.  I considered even blocking her emails, but I'm afraid that would result in her parents contacting me and they are arguably as dysfunctional as she; particularly her mother.  I've only responded to 1 of her 3 emails, I didn't address anything personal, only the issue of forwarding her mail, and I kept my response very brief.   She referred to her email yesterday as her "last desperate attempt to contact me".  If she sends another personal email, I assume I should go ahead and shut that down too, disregarding any potential for domestic-related contact?  Thanks again for any advice.

[Rose Tiger]

It depends, you sound pretty set in not being recycled.  If the emails are upsetting then by all means, have them auto sent to the junk folder.  No response is the best choice for bringing things to a halt.