sex

[lost007]

How many of you had sex with your soon to be ex after moving out or deciding on divorce. Mine is so seductive. Extremely sexual. I have given in when she showed at my doorstep-apparently broken. I have been able to resist since. Hard to admit I was this weak. Don't even want to tell my therapist but I will have to be honest. Dreading that.

[nobody]

I did.  Pulls at the heartstrings. I'm still hurting over it... .  

[recoil]

This would be really hard for me.  I know it.  I'm not sure I would be able to resist that tactic. 

I would admit to some concern about being entrapped though (unwanted pregnancy). 

That would be a nightmare.

[trevjim]

Yup, she is so hot and seductive, after one time, she even said 'I knew the hotpants would work'

[lost007]

Thanks for the honesty. Mine will send me seductive photos. She knows sex has always worked in the past after a big blowup. Plus she really seems remorseful at times. Problem is I had so much sympathy when she showed at my doorstep at midnight I couldn't send her away. Really tough struggle. She has offered a friends with benefits situation. At the same time after this happened a couple weeks ago she said I had given her hope. At the time it occurred she said she would accept it as it was-an opportunity to be together one last time. I have been reminded of the fact that I let her in almost daily since it occurred. She won't let go. The sex was great though.

[trevjim]

I understand pwBPD crave some sort of control, and mine used sex to control me and other people

[lost007]

It's sickening in a way. Must be some narcissism. Mine like to act innocent but she has used sex her whole life to get her way. And I think in some way to her there is no shame in that. It will continue.

[Vindi]

once i end the relationship I "never" go back, sex or not, its just done and over with.

But yes, in the past, I have gone back, had the sex... .  but in the long run the relationship never ever worked out, thats why for now once I end the relationship there is no turning back.

No contact is best! i wish you luck on this path... .  

[hithere]

We agreed to 'date' until one of us met someone new, she did and it released me.  We were not married and had not kids together so really I felt there was no harm.  In retrospect it probably made it harder to move on, but at that point I knew there was no way I was going back, so I felt protected.

[Mountaineagle]

I'm REALLY scared about being tempted as well. I almost know that I would give in. I thought that me and my ex connected deeply in sex, I worked on myself to be more present and in the moment with her. Previous sex I had I had images of others while doing it and thus distancing myself from the act in a way. This relationship has been a real gift for me in that regard. But since so much of the relationship or "interaction" as 2010 calls it, has been an illusion, I have to come to terms with it being just me that felt like that. Its like being given a gift like a sword, that wounded me upon receiving it. It was the FOG, Fear Obligation and guilt that sent me on my way to "fix" myself in sexual interaction with her. She would always accuse me of being unfaithful, and in a way I was that when first having sex with her. It was a long learned pattern that I managed to break during the relationship. I never told her about it, I'm glad I didn't.

I wonder if when I have sex with others that I will fantasize about her... .  

[lost007]

Maybe. I would hope she would be out of my head. I have to tell myself she will be same with another man. I know she would. Have to let go of the illusion. My stb ex is a sex addict nu doubt. Hard for me to give that to another man. Just remind myself that her mouth and brain go with that body.

[Mountaineagle]

Yes there are good sides of the relationship, and there are bad sides. For me the bad sides outweigh the good sides. There is no contest. The jealousy I feel towards the next looses to the benefits of not being there no more. When we move we see the mountains from different sides and it looks totally different the more you move. It is painful to move, but one of the benefits of leaving is that we can use that motion to take us somewhere else. And that in itself is empowering. "A journey of thousand miles begins with a small step" and that step is the hardest one. We have all taken that step.