This time feels different

[rockhardabsman]

Without going into the whole long back story which can be read on L1.

This is the 4th time I've asserted my boundaries towards physical violence and kicked my dBPDexgf out. I would always followup with a letter explaining why it was unacceptable, she would contact me raging and blaming me... .  sleep around with the droves of men she has on standby and then call me after about a week crying saying how she cannot live without me.

This is the 4th time, sent her my letter via facebook, she raged on me (is sleeping around) and this time blocked me on facebook... .  but this time it's been almost 2 weeks with no cries of missing me etc. I'm a little taken aback by how different this time is. Anyone know why this might be different this time around? What are the chances based on the past that she will recycle? I want to get her into therapy... .  that is if she doesn't end up in jail over probation violations that she is starting to rack up.

[Clearmind]

rockhardabsman, few hard truths about BPD – you can’t predict when and if she will ever contact you.

Another hard truth – we cannot force anyone into therapy – therapy for Borderlines is intense and long – years in fact – she needs to be committed under her own steam. If we continue to rescue the chance of her seeking therapy is next to none.

Rescuing is not our role although it’s a common one for partners of Borderlines.

Where do you see this r/s in 1 year and 5 years time?

[rockhardabsman]

I guess this is more or less me looking for validation at this point that I actually meant something over the past 1 1/2 years. *shrug* I guess with time the wounds will heal and I wont care.

[benny2]

Mine is usually seeking others options during times of NC, even not during, so maybe that is what she is doing. Yes, she probably will be back, so take this time to decide what you are going to do when that happens.

[rockhardabsman]

I think I would let it slide only to a point because of BPD, but like I said there are some firm boundaries. Seems like all the time spent in Jail and Rehab she started to realize she has a problem, I've seen plenty of clarity moments where she would even admit she says "something is wrong with her brain" and many other times. So my last ditch effort would be if she agreed to counselling. Sometimes I think I might have enforced my boundary to hard and too quick without giving her an option. But then again I've been hit so many times in the past in her drunken/meth high rages I put my foot down immediately, not to mention my disappointment and upset mood took a few days to calm down. I don't feel I was in the wrong for enforcing it, I just look back and wish I gave her an option.

I only feel partially responsible for one thing. Me kicking her out for hitting me caused her such anxiety that she relapsed on meth/booze the same day. But at the end of the day she is responsible for those actions not me. I still feel bad though, especially knowing she's living her parents where drugs and booze abound and it's only helping her slide further down the hole quicker.

Why don't I contact her? This is again my personal boundary. I do not want to give her the impression or feeling that I was in the wrong, and by my contacting her it will no doubt validate that feeling in her despite it being wrong.

[rockhardabsman]

second reason I don't contact her is... have you ever tried talking to a person drunk and high on meth? They are completely unreasonable... .  Damn wish I could edit posts