Keep in contact with her kids?

[recoil]

I miss her kids.  My daughter misses them.  I haven't spoken to them in over a week.  I feel really bad about that. 

I am a good acquaintance with their Father.  This weekend will be his visitation.  I'm wondering what are the cons of speaking with the kids while he has them, so I'm not NC with them like their Mother.

My daughter has been asking to play with them.  All of them have been like sisters for the past year and a half.

Has anyone else been in this situation?

[trevjim]

Not the same situation but this is my experiance, my expwPBD had a lil boy from a previous R/S (the real father isnt on the scene) i helped raise him since he was 1 until we split when he was nearly 4, he called me daddy.

The next day after we split she got with an ex and told me she wants him to be the daddy and i am to stay away as im a 'bad father' (projection i believe as she may feel guilty about this boy having a 3rd 'dad'

Its been the hardest part not being able to see him, my advice is to do what you can to still have contact, although going behind her back will not bode well in the long run. Mine split me black and was idolizing the new guy so i didnt stand a chance,

Her dad and step mum said they would let me see him when she isnt around and would contact me when they are looking after him.

They never did, im guessing she smeared me to them.

I hope it all works out for you.

[Phoenix.Rising]

Hi Recoil,

My ex had two wonderful daughters, and it has been difficult letting them go.  My feeling is that staying connected to her children will make it harder to detach from your ex.  They will remind you of her.  They will also talk to her about it, which might make it easier for her to justify contacting you.  Your children will be able to make new friends if you choose not to engage with her kids.  Of course, the choice is yours, but that was my initial reaction.  Best of luck.

[sunrising]

I knew I had to cut ties with my ex's son because it would be too hard for me and, at least in the short run and at his age of 12, too confusing for him.  I miss him badly and I've been told he is taking our break-up of 3 weeks now pretty badly.  It kills me. He messaged me on Facebook last week and asked if I'd come to his basketball game over the weekend.  I replied "I will if I can.  Kick some butt either way".  His mother (my exwBPD) must have gotten wind of this conversation because I received a scathing email from her (sent from an account I had yet to block) telling me "it is absolutely inappropriate for you to attend any of hit_'s sporting events. You are out of our lives".   I didn't even go to the game, just told him I would if I could so as not to hurt the feelings of an already upset little boy I care for deeply.  Of course she also took the time in her email to offer a couple additional paragraphs vaguely describing what a terrible person I am.   Just 2 days earlier, she sent a somewhat desperate email expressing her sadness over us not even being friends.

I can't speak for your ex, but I now know any relationship or contact with my ex's child will be used by her as a reason to contact me and attempt to manipulate my emotions.