NC ... to much pain

[va12]

I just want to figure out how to stop the pain. It's unbearable. I can't sleep, my heart is racing and i feel like i'm going to have a heart attack. I know that relationship is over. But i don't know how to cope. I can't make myself do anything productive. He was love of my life and we were talking about engagement in a future. I was that hurt only once before with my first boyfriend 10 years ago. I was not able to love that strong since. I feel like i'm that girl again 10 years ago.

My family is far away, i can't go see them for support.  I feel alone. Lets not forget that part of dating someone with BPD is isolation- i don't have facebook account anymore, i lost my network of friends- i have only 2 left and one of them is far away... .  

[Scott44]

Is there someone you can telephone or write emails to who might understand?  I am also very isolated after my marriage to a pwBPD.  That's why I post here. 

[trouble11]

Va12,  I wish there was an easy answer or something I could say to make you feel better.  The truth is sometimes you just have to feel it. I was in the exact same place just a couple of months ago and still hurt some.  Stay here with us.     How long has it been since the break up? 

[Tormenta]

You have support here. Keep on writing if you feel better.



Be strong because that will pass, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Little by little you can open your FB account, visit your family, meet people in a course or find friends, adopt a pet, etc, little by little when you get ready. Meanwhile, a hug!  

[va12]

I did reach out to what left of my friends. But you know how everyone is busy... .  Plus during my relationship with BPD i spend all my free time with him. It's like he took away all the people who loved me and replaced them with himself. That is why i feel so horrible now... .  

I'm glad i have this board... .  huge huge help

I'm sorry you are isolated too... .  

[va12]

You have support here. Keep on writing if you feel better.



Be strong because that will pass, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Little by little you can open your FB account, visit your family, meet people in a course or find friends, adopt a pet, etc, little by little when you get ready. Meanwhile, a hug!  

thank you so much to all of you. It's comforting to know i'm not the only one. You give me hope...

[dharmagems]

I completely know what you are going through.  I am going through the same thing.  I am feeling very isolated going through a divorce with my exhBPD.  I have family in the area but they don't really understand how to say the right words to help me with the depth of pain of letting go of this relationship. They get annoyed at me for being 'whiny' and say 'you can find other relationships'.  I don't really go to them for support.  

I also tried a CODA group, and it's ok, though not too successful in helping me with feeling like i have friends.  In a couple of months when I could, I am going to move closer to the metropolitan city.  I am feeling that it can help me have more groups to belong to and feel like I am normal again.

I know, it's really hard, I felt shaky and can't breathe all last year when I was plotting all of this.  I was panicking everyday.  Now since my divorce papers are in order, I still feel very scared to exist without my exhBPD because we did everything together and I isolated myself.  

But---I am taking day by day and am trying to get out there again and do the best I can.  This board helps soo much.  It is really my savior.  Please take care of your anxieties and worries.  You are not alone.  We are here knowing what you're going through and surviving with you.

[va12]

Va12,  I wish there was an easy answer or something I could say to make you feel better.  The truth is sometimes you just have to feel it. I was in the exact same place just a couple of months ago and still hurt some.  Stay here with us.     How long has it been since the break up? 

only a week since break up. but it feels like a month of hell. NC at all... Only one e-mail where he was painting me black... .  He said i was dead to him...

May be i'm dead, part of my died for sure...

Hugs back. thank you for support

[va12]

I completely know what you are going through.  I am going through the same thing.  I am feeling very isolated going through a divorce with my exhBPD.  I have family in the area but they don't really understand how to say the right words to help me with the depth of pain of letting go of this relationship. They get annoyed at me for being 'whiny' and say 'you can find other relationships'.  I don't really go to them for support.  

I also tried a CODA group, and it's ok, though not too successful in helping me with feeling like i have friends.  In a couple of months when I could, I am going to move closer to the metropolitan city.  I am feeling that it can help me have more groups to belong to and feel like I am normal again.

I know, it's really hard, I felt shaky and can't breathe all last year when I was plotting all of this.  I was panicking everyday.  Now since my divorce papers are in order, I still feel very scared to exist without my exhBPD because we did everything together and I isolated myself.  

But---I am taking day by day and am trying to get out there again and do the best I can.  This board helps soo much.  It is really my savior.  Please take care of your anxieties and worries.  You are not alone.  We are here knowing what you're going through and surviving with you.

 thank you! this board is helping me more then my friends... they just can't understand the emotional hell i'm going trough. People here are much better help! Also i think part of me is embarrassed to admit to my friends that i was in abusive relationship, i even defended him and told my friends he was never controlling. I'm such strong, independent person, i usually give advise to other people to not settle for abuse, but somehow i ended up falling in love with controlling guy.