This makes me so angry

[trevjim]

Why is it, im still not over her and not even close to being over her, after 3 months.

Yet she got with someone the next day as if i didnt mean anything.

I dont feel remotely ready to give my heart to someone else, so who pwBPD?

Its not as if he was lined up, she left facebook logged in on my phone and messaged him after we decided to split, she did it on purpose to annoy me apparently.

makes me so angry that she is in love and happy soo quickly after our R/S yet im in the worse pain ive ever been through

[trouble11]

I know ... .  I feel your pain man.  It's 4 months for me and I'm still on this board most of the day.  I try mindfulness, but I can make it last very long.  He, OTH, has been with the replacement host for 10 weeks and ordered her an engagement ring.   Thing is though ... .  and we gotta remember this every day ... .  they are NOT happy.  They are merely surviving the only way they know how.  Would you be happy if you HAD to have someone in your life in order to feel like a whole person?  They do this with a life or death sense of urgency.  Trust me ... .  true happiness they will never know.

[Forestaken]

How long were you together?

Me: 24 years, 8 years of emotional and physical abuse and now in the middle of reclaiming my independence.

[TheDude]

In the grand scheme of things, 3 months isn't all that long. My last break was 8 months of total silence, and I got sucked back in for another round after one call. Clearly not over her, even though I kept telling myself I was getting there.  

Anyway, maybe try not to look at it as her being "in love and happy". The reality is that she hasn't "given her heart" to someone else... .  she's using him as a fresh and unaware enabler. Poor guy... .  he has no idea what's in store for him down the road... .  

[trevjim]

What if she is happy? She hasn't been officially diagnosed and probably isn't aware of BPD as I only found out after we split. What if we clashed and this guy is great for her. He is an ex and she cheated on him before. So why is this time better? I want to be happy for her, but I can't for some reason

[Tracy62]

It made me angry at first, but after about 10 recycles and a broke nose , tooth and black eyes

I am finally healing.  I moved out over a month ago. He was with the new replacement within a day or two.  They have already split also.  I finally realized that he is not a whole person.  I also am dealing with my own issues as to why I accepted such behavior.

I started to exercise,I started a new job ( I had to due to him getting me fired at my last one and losing everything) I made new friends and can spot a borderline person a mile away... .  Lol.   I learned an invaluable lesson from all this, and you will see it also once the pain has subsided some.  Hang in there!

[seeking balance]

What if she is happy?

not your concern now

She hasn't been officially diagnosed and probably isn't aware of BPD as I only found out after we split.

not your concern now

What if we clashed and this guy is great for her.

not your concern now

He is an ex and she cheated on him before.

So why is this time better?

not your concern now

I want to be happy for her, but I can't for some reason

Ok - here is something we can work with - it is about you.  Why do you want to be happy for her right now?  Is it possible, that maybe you need to continue going through the grief process - which includes anger and depression?

Let yourself feel hurt, angry - grieve the loss of the relationship... .  focus on your life, not hers

[almost789]

Me too, I'm starting to wonder If I'll be ruined forever. I don't have feelings this way since him. I tried to date, I can't. It makes me cry... .  

Oh, I suppose one day I'll get over it. But this sucks.

[tailspin]

trev,

You should be angry!  You were betrayed and emotionally abused.  I think the betrayal part has really hit you hard; it's so difficult to wrap our heads around how someone could knife us in the back after all we've done for them.  It's so hard to comprehend how they can be so happy when we are so miserable.  Truth is... .  she is mirroring whoever she is with and that cannot and will not last. 

Problem is... .  we did so much for them that we forgot to take care of ourselves.  We were so busy dancing in their heads that we forgot to see simple warning signs of danger, and even if we did, we eventually just ignored them or rationalized them away.

These relationships are doomed from the start and it doesn't matter who she meets on facebook, or hooks up with, or lives with, or marries... .  the ending will always be the same because her illness is driving the train.

Embrace your anger and don't try to push it away.  I would encourage you to find a healthy outlet though; kickboxing worked great for me.  Eventually your anger will fade and you will be given the gift of clarity.  Let it be.

tailspin

[LuckyEscapee]

We were so busy dancing in their heads

Tailspin this is so true. Without even realising it, attempting to navigate my ex pwBPD relationship became a 24/7 toil. Everything and everyone else had to take a back seat, my health broke down, my job suffered. I really was dancing in his head, and lost my head and myself in the process. It was so full on, arduous, and engulfing that I was in defence mode or tiptoe mode or caretaker mode the whole time. It wasn't a relationship it was mission impossible.

I was angry afterwards, it's natural, but it subsides with time and fresh air. My ex rebounded back to his ex almost straight away. The got engaged within weeks, whilst lying to me about it so I could be his Plan B. Not a chance! She is welcome to try mission impossible - I only hope she doesn't cry too many rivers in the process, but that is ultimately in her control not mine.