Trying to "minimize the damage"...

[forgive2day]

I haven't posted here in a while... .    Things are moving forward with my divorce and I hope it will be finalized in a few weeks.  I need to know if any of you have been in similar situation:

My stbx wife was awarded the house in temporary orders, and ordered by the court to pay the mortgage.  She has not paid the mortgage since November 21st of last year (the November payment 3 weeks late).  I paid the mortgage last month and just made a payment tonight to prevent it from going 30 days past due and reporting derogatory on my credit. 

I plan to call the bank in the morning to initiate a short sale on the house.  I offered to forfeit my equity in the house if she would do an assumption on it and take my name off of the house.  She refuses to communicate any of her plans and when I asked her if she planned to pay tonight, she said she "we'll see".  She makes enough money to keep it, but she is horrible with money, as many borderlines are.  We were able to skip mediation, so I'm looking at it as money I would've sunk into that I can use to keep the mortgage current.  Of course I cannot sustain this and need to get her out of there if her plan is to just sit there while I pick it up.  Of course the worst part is the instability this creates for the kids.  But if she doesn't have the capacity to keep a roof over their heads, they need to be here anyway.

Any insight you have is appreciated.  I have worked very hard to have solid credit and I'm going to need it more than ever as a single parent of 3.

Thanks for listening,

Bigtime 19

 

[SayWha?]

I really don't have any advice but DH goes through this. They had one 10K joint debt that he tried to get BPDexw to refinance for 6 years. She repeatedly gets 120 behind and it has ruined his credit. We are about to try to buy a house so I understand your frustration.

[ForeverDad]

Why hasn't this been addressed in court?  Haven't you had a hearing since then?  This needs to be resolved one way or the other ASAP.

I'm not blaming you.  Not at all.  We all have had issues like this where the Ex or stbEx was expected to behave normally but through active Sabotage or active Obstruction or sheer Inaction caused problems and court never even seemed to care.  It's up to you to get get it resolved.  Ask your lawyer whether it's time for changing the order so you have control of the house and can sell it or seeking a Motion to Compel, Contempt of Court, etc.  Be forewarned that Contempt of Court before a final decree is somewhat toothless for various reasons.

[david]

I went through something similar and talked to the bank before the stuff hit the fan. The bank was very understanding and even though the mortgage payments were over four months past due they did not do anything to hurt my credit. I talked to a friend in real estate and he said that banks can sometimes look the other way as long as they know what is going on and how you are trying to resolve the situation. The house was finally put up for sale and ex did not stop it. It sold rather quickly, a few months, and the mortgage was paid off then. We actually had equity and that was put in an escrow account until equitable distribution.

[scraps66]

I had a similar situation.  Fortunately her name was not on the mortgage and I could maintain credit while she lived in the house. At the time my L told me if we were to allow her to make the mortgage payments, and she missed just one payment, she cold have easily gone to court and processed an order to have the house sold.  This is saying something as my courthouse is ridiculoulsy incompetent. 

You might also be able to have the mortgage company notify you if payments are missed.

[forgive2day]

The story gets more bizarre by the minute.  I called a realtor this morning to discuss putting the house on the market.  He drove by to take a look.at the outside and there is a moving truck parked outside.  It appears that she is abandoning the house.  The kids are here this weekend and they've made no mention of moving.   I have reached out my attorney to discuss options.  I don't want to give her posession of the kids if she cannot disclose where they are living.  For all I know, she could be planning to walk out altogether.

[ForeverDad]

So it's not a BF moving in?

Courts typically have language in the parenting order to give advance notice to the court and ex-spouse if moving.  If she failed that requirement and is moving, then find out from your lawyer what to do.  You may be told that such terms are generally not enforced by the court or not have much in the way of consequences unless combined with other serious misbehaviors.

While it would be best if you could stop exchanges altogether until she has complied with the court order regarding the required notice, in real life that's often impractical, especially if the children are in school or daycare since she could just go and pick them up from school or daycare.

[david]

Do you want to move back in ? If so talk to your atty. In Pa. when someone leaves the house it is interpreted as abandonment and goes to the other party. Not sure how this would be handled. Also if you give her the kids without knowing the particulars you are saying to the court that she is competent to make that decision on her own. May or may not be a problem down the road. If you don't give her the kids (sorry if it sounds like they are things) because you have no idea what she is doing then that also shows the court your concern. You really need an atty to answer these questions.

[stuckinbetween]

This happened to me.  My NPDh had stopped paying the mortgage and I didn't find out until the closing on it's sale 3 months later.  I hadn't received notices because they'd been going to him.  The bank was understanding when I explained it and no damage done to my credit.

Stuckinbetween

[Forward2free]

I paid mortgage payments on my own for about 14 months (probably the whole marriage but I'll just focus on the separation period here) and I took BPD/Nxh to court to get an order to sell.

BPD/Nxh was painfully slow in getting organised and to move it along I compromised and agreed to us both arranging a realtor, and both signing off on the sale. I prepared the property for sale at my expense (including landscaping, cleaners etc) and those payments were taken out at settlement.

Whilst the house was on the market, I arranged to pay interest only on the mortgage to reduce the payments further.

The money from the sale went into trust with my lawyer for a further 5 months until the property settlement was complete, and then split about 60/40. (I have sole custody of the kids)

It was expensive to pay everything up front, but my credit was in tact and I purchased a new home this year. I never got the payments back or a share of payments, but the peace of mind was totally worth it to take the high road, wipe my hands and move on.

[forgive2day]

Well... .  she did abandon the house and she left it horrible shape.  She moved into an apartment 20 miles from.where the kids go to school.  What bothers me the most is she had the kids living in that filth.  I am working to get repairs made and get it on the market.  Hopefully i can sell it in the next 30 to 60 days.

Once again, there seems to be no recourse to her erractic behavior, even though the temporary orders stipulate that she is to care for the house until she can assume the loan on her own or we sell it. 

The court appointed social worker recommended 50/50 custody so i will.not have to pay support.  She of course is dragging her feet on signing this into effect, so as it stands, i'm holding the bag with the house and still sending.her money i need to keep the house from going into default along with being able to provide for the kids.  We have a court date set for 3/22, but i'll make two more support payments between now and then.  I'm sure she will be ordered to reimburse me, but she won't.

Let me know if any of you were able to proactively turn type of situation around.

Thanks!

[david]

Take pictures of the house and what was done. It may or may not be helpful.

If she moved 20 miles away from where kids are going to school then how can 50/50 work. I do not believe a social worker would recommend 50/50 if one parent lived that far away from school. It wouldn't be in the best interest of the children.