My ex didn't really like my friends

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi I am new to the board just now discovering my gf/ex  certainly has BPD.  She literally hates all of my friends has said it countless times that she dislikes all of my friends.  She often refuses to go anywhere that they are around.  Then in turn i go palces with them and i dont invite her because of the rift it causes and she always ends up going into a rage and ruining the good time.  In any event Is this fixable how do I get her to "like" my friends

[trampledfoot]

Hi I am new to the board just now discovering my gf/ex  certainly has BPD.  She literally hates all of my friends has said it countless times that she dislikes all of my friends.  She often refuses to go anywhere that they are around.  Then in turn i go palces with them and i dont invite her because of the rift it causes and she always ends up going into a rage and ruining the good time.  In any event Is this fixable how do I get her to "like" my friends

[Themis]

You don't want them to start liking your friends. They are so switchable. Moments later they will be her friends.

He never liked some of my friends either, especially the males. When he twigged onto the fact jealousy wasn't working anymore and I was tired of losing friends... .  what did he do?

Befriend and charm my friends. Now they are his friends. He excludes me from these activities.

Keep your friends, don't get her tangled up in them.

[trampledfoot]

All of my friends dislike her while they are congenial to her they see how distant she is at social gatherings and the pain she causes me. I think she wanted to force me into being alone and having nothing else or no one.  Like i said she was under the impression that a perfect relationship is one in which the partners spend almost every second together and dont do anything separate.  I was convinced years that I needed this to be the case and it was my fault because i couldn't grasp this.

[Themis]

I have the feeling that a good relationship does indeed involve spending a lot of time with the other person. That is one of my standards for someone I want to get serious with.

However you need to keep friends as well so you are not isolated during fights or if the relationship ends.

pwBPD might isolate us from friends. At first this is fine as we love all the attention and company. In my case I have a jealous streak too.

Ideally I'd like to get along with their friends so there can be times when everyone can do things together. That is fun! Then you keep the bond with friends and partner.

Start aiming to see friends one weekend per month. That's a fair start. Get her slowly used to it and encourage her to make her own friends.

See friends for a couple of hours after work/school during the week. Then spend the other evenings dedicated to her and doing something fun.

Pick at least one night in the week where you go on a date or have romantic time just for you and her.

I think as a female I cared less about how much time the guy spent with friends as long as between that I felt secure, knew he was looking forward to seeing me when he got back.

It only hurts when you feel avoided or second choice. Just make it clear its just about balance and that having that time apart makes you miss her and can't wait to see her when you get home.

Hope that helps.

[WT]

My ex hated a few of my friends and didn't really try to befriend the ones that she didn't hate.  After we broke up, pretty much all of my friends said that they didn't like her because of how shallow her interactions with them were.  The ones that she hated were the ones who tried to get to know her better and she took their questions as insults that created permanent rifts between them.

Even my ex's own close friends could barely stand her and her drama while we were together.  She would mostly only contact them when she wanted to complain about me, and eventually they started asking me how I put up with her.  My ex would always complain about not having close friends to hang out with but she did very little to try to foster new relationships even when she would meet new people.