BPD moms new tactic: suicide watch

[Ajness2305]

I haven't written in a while. I'm still having NC with my BPD mother, going on 3 mths now. Of course still getting random emails every few days ranging from articles about the 'dangers of estrangment' from grandchildren, to apologies, to her bs counselors suggestions. *this woman is completely incompetent and is drinking my mothers koolaid. Doesn't believe she has BPD just that she is ferosciously loving.

In the last few days, she has come by my house, once to drop off a stuffed animal to my 3 yr old. And yesterday my dad knocking on the door with her in the car wanting to talk. I've had my aunt calling me saying she was worried she would do something drastic. My dad calling my bf saying moms not doing well. The general consensus is that it's my fault. If I'd only reconcile with her and let her be with my son, she'd be magically better.

I wrote them an email stating that I'm not ready to talk until we are all in a better mental state. But I'm still soo paranoid they're going to ambush me in my house. The first few times we weren't home, thank god. But if they show up I'm either going to not answer, which they will flip out, or I let them in and I'll flip out and my son doesn't need to be around that.

I find myself checking to see if her car is there pulling the blinds. I just don't want any contact with her. I'm not looking for any answers, just venting .

[hadenoughmum]

This happened to me in December, minus the "dropping by" aspect as my mother lives too far away and we also moved during the NC period. She's not allowed to have our new address. I too had to deal with 3rd party contact from enDad and enBro about how mum wasn't "doing well" and that they "needed me to know how much sadness I was causing mum". I hope you're not feeling the guilts after these inappropriate injections. If anything they made me more determined that I was doing the right thing, it's NOT our jobs to put our mothers needs before those of our own family and its not our job to fix our mothers sadness. Especially not if she, like my mother, is objectifying our child. My daughter doesn't deserve to have the responsibility of being someone's reason to live placed on her shoulders. She is not the fix for my mothers problems and her problems won't go away if I let them be in contact. That's pretty obvious since her problems existed before my daughter was born but I refuse to give either my daughter or my mother the idea that that thinking is ok. Obviously if my mother thinks these tactics will work she intends to emotionally abuse my daughter the same way she did me. There's no way my child will be able to live up to these expectations of being a savior.


My mother went further than implying that she was suicidal. She called me told me that she had just overdosed on pills and it was because of me. She was fine, she had barely taken enough to cure a really bad headache but still, she thought she was proving to me how far she would go if I didn't do what she wanted. How that actually went is that I realized how right I was in limiting the contact between her and my daughter, now no matter what she does she will never have unsupervised visits, know where we live or be invited to family events such as birthday parties where she may be able to cause a scene. She has also lost her last chance to have a relationship with me beyond monthly phone calls.

Trust your gut, you're doing the right thing, rewarding bad behavior begets more bad behavior, not a permenant solution to the problem. I can see that you already know that though, just wanted to let you know that I've been there and you're doing great.

[Ajness2305]

Trust your gut, you're doing the right thing, rewarding bad behavior begets more bad behavior, not a permenant solution to the problem. I can see that you already know that though, just wanted to let you know that I've been there and you're doing great.

Thank u so much for the post. I feel better knowing that someone knows how I'm feeling. The focus on my son has been so hard because he asks for her all the time. But I'm not going to subject him to her instability. She's suicidal, letting my 3yr old spend time with her is not the answer for him or her.

The nc has been hard bc of the guilt. The 'wat ifs'. What if something happened to her or my dad and how could I live with myself. But personally, having the never ending drama out of my life is soo freeing. For the first time in a very very long time I'm enjoying my own life, because Im not stressed about her.

I've accepted the blame and am fine with being the bad guy. Looking on the survivors guide, I'm in the healing phase. Yay. I just feel like the nc is the right decision for me and my family. I do want a relationship with them at some point, but only after they are in a better emotional place.

[mysoulishome]

Don't second-guess yourself. This woman is a BULLY. It doesn't matter how many people she has convinced that she is the victim.

You should enforce your boundaries because they are based on YOUR well being and not your mother's. You know that if she gets close to you she will be hurtful and manipulative. It's perfectly reasonable to stay away from that. It is awful that your family is taken by her manipulation. She is manipulating them to get what she wants from you and it sounds like she is getting close to succeeding.

[Ajness2305]

She is manipulating them to get what she wants from you and it sounds like she is getting close to succeeding.

Believe me, she will not get anywhere near my son anytime soon. She's already ostracized me from all of our extended family and family friends. So I've accepted my role as the 'bad' one. And my life is at peace now. But it makes me paranoid she just keep dropping by hoping to gain access.

[XL]

Some of the more experienced members were helping me with the SET and boundary skills in the workshops. I was trying some of those.

Can you find an empathetic sentence to repeat (something like "I understand you're distressed, and you're upset by that, but I will not be taking unannounced visitors at my house". Maybe the workshop can help you phrase this better?

[Ajness2305]

Update: suicide watch is cancelled. Just got an email from her saying she's doing great and ready to talk. I must say, I'm relieved to know it was just another manipulation and she really isn't going to kill herself. She's been on the campaign trail telling everyone how 'not well at all' she is. And everyone was so scare she would do something drastic.

So I'm relieved she's just up to her same old games, ironically. Though I never had any intention of breaking the NC, I'm glad we don't have to call 911.