Got a little insight

[rockhardabsman]

So I think some answers have been made a little clear after hanging out with a buddy of mine. I was hanging out with him, and the topic of my dBPD exgf came up tonight. He told me "I know your ex misses you dude, it's all over facebook. He's friends with her on there but hates her guts. She blocked me on facebook but these are the gems he shared.

March 14: "Missing <my city>, wish I never had to leave" (This is where we moved to)

march 16: she calls me repeatedly from her sisters phone without leaving a voicemail. Her sister texts too saying she wishes me a happy st paddy's day and says hello, and wants me to stop by to pickup my bike. She then calls again in the afternoon which I ignore too. (She obviously wanted to stop by to see her)

March 20: Having a lazy morning. Thinking about that special someone but too lazy to do anything about it.

So this was news to me... . I guess kicking her to the curb for her abusive behavior wasn't too bad. Looks like she does miss me and has a little bit of self empathy after all.

Mind you I cannot see her facebook wall at all. And my good friend she doesn't even know, she just friend requested all my friends while raging at me to make sure I wasn't cheating on her. I guess it goes to show she isn't completely remorseless, she wouldn't be posting this stuff if my breaking up with her for the 4th time didnt affect her. Despite the fact she's seeing multiple men, all druggie losers, looks like I'm still on her mind! I guess I should be expecting another attempt at contact here soon.

[Surnia]

And how do you feel about a possible next attempt at contact from her?

How is your life going right now without her?

[rockhardabsman]

I think I would welcome a reengagement, I feel it is inevitable unless she finds someone to completely latch onto. But judging by this despite being with several guys and the drinking/drugging it's apparent she isn't over the fact I've dumper her again for her actions. But they were boundaries she crossed so I had to "lay down the law" so to speak.

Now if she tries re-engaging again there will be some straight to the point questions, and should she try to yell / scream it will gain her an immediate disconnect because I respect myself first and won't tolerate crap. It's apparent she understands this.

How am I doing? I can't say I don't miss her, well at least the good times, love, compassion, sex. But I certainly don't miss the raging, yelling, name calling. I always handled those things very well in the past. I have been dating again, focusing more on my career, and surrounding myself with good friends. My mind thinks about her less and less, but she hasn't been completely removed from my heart of course, that will take a long time.

My dilemma is if I let her back into my life a 4th or 5th time, I've forgotten is if it would be a sign of weakness. I think I'm fine at this point with her never returning, but if she were to return, I think I need to make it clear that it's going to take work for her to regain my trust and respect. I mean if I welcome her with arms wide open I think that would work against me in her BPD mind and she would see me as weak. Which is one reason why I haven't contact her at all.

I know things would be tough if I let her back in, but then again like I' said I've always asserted my boundaries before. I don't know, it's confusing. I guess I feel a little relief knowing for certain I haven't been forgotten, and it's obvious I DID actually mean something, after all how could I not. I've been one of the few men that made a significant impact on her life.

[blecker]

I know things would be tough if I let her back in, but then again like I' said I've always asserted my boundaries before. I don't know, it's confusing. I guess I feel a little relief knowing for certain I haven't been forgotten, and it's obvious I DID actually mean something, after all how could I not. I've been one of the few men that made a significant impact on her life.

Hi Rock.

I have been where you are. I could have written your post.

I too, have gained some insight and from my now removed perspective I can tell you two things that were true in my relationship with a BPD sufferer.

1. She never forgot me. I was an object that satisfyed her until I couldn't. She probably still thinks about me today from time to time when her present relationship is unsatisfying. But it will not be about how I am but about how I could be of use to her.

2. I was not anything special in her life. I was one among many who tried but failed to make her happy. Actually, by enabeling her for as long as I did, I did more harm than good.

She is mentally ill, profoundly so. She is not equiped to have a healthy, mature, and loving relationship. I thought that I was special and I could fix her.

I was wrong. Very wrong.