Telling people I "ditched" HER?

[siggy]

We were living at the beach in Texas. had been there 8 months. Overnight she decides she has to leave because "everyone hates her there".She wanted to go to California which wasn't feasible for me because we had pets, no place to live etc. I tried to get her to stay for at least two weeks so we could tie up loose ends, get last paychecks, pack, take care of the animals etc. She wouldn't have it. Borrowed $$ from her parents and left for California.(although I had to make the reservations for her because, you know, that stuff is confusing.). I went to my home state a few weeks later to start over. Now I am hearing through the grapevine that she is telling people I ditched HER! That she loves me and I abandoned HER! crazymaking.

[LetItBe]

It sounds like you've been through a lot, siggy, and it must really hurt that she's twisting the story and blaming you for leaving.  It's not uncommon for pwBPD to portray themselves as victims.  That even happens in non-BPD breakups, I suppose. That doesn't make it feel any better, though. 

I've wondered what my (likely soon-to-be-ex) uBPDbf might tell people, too, when I don't show up for an event tomorrow that we'd planned on attending together.  He likely won't mention his broken agreements with me and how he pushed me away, so I'm away.

I think the key here is that we can only control ourselves, not what they say or do.  We have to detach from their stories.

I hope you're taking good care of yourself.

[siggy]

I am. I have a good support system here. It just sucks hearing lies about you. She did send me a text yesterday that said. "I will be sending money in 2 weeks, please send stuff" Which means she probably got a job. I just hope she knows how much it costs to send large boxes and guitars .

[trevjim]

My exs dad told me she told him that I ditched her because I wanna go out drinking with me mates and want to be single. A few years ago maybe! I'm looking to settle down now. I think they say this to make other people ok with how quick they are moving on.

[real lady]

So glad to hear that you have a good support system, that is so important. I am sure, like most pwBPD, she has NO thought of how this was going to affect you and what she would even ASK of you to do for her before she started lying and misrepresenting you. That in itself would anger me enough that I would truly consider NOT send her things and tell her to come and get them or have a friend of hers put them in storage for her. Impulsiveness is a common trait. Entitlement is another. In talking about you, I think that it also reinforces for her that "she didn't do anything wrong by leaving YOU" but YOU abandoned her, her self-fulfilling prophecy, even if it has NO SHRED OF TRUTH in it. She will tell others so "she is the victim", they will pity her and NOT hold her accountable for her behavior toward you.

WE (nons) are ALWAYS the "bad guy" and the one who ABANDONS them and they will say this as they are pushing us out the door.

Take good care of yourself... .