When projections result in distortion campaigns

[mother in law]

I need advice. How do you cope with projection and gaslighting especially when the accusations are so nasty and others semi believe them?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[vivekananda]

Hi MIL,

It is confusing and hurtful when this sort of thing happens to us. My dd accuses me of a lifetime of emotional and physical abuse  so not true. And, I understand this is a common situation.

To be able to give you some feedback, it would be helpful if you could explain what you mean and the situation you are in. Every situation is different, and understandings of gaslighting and projection may also differ.

The one thing I do know is that 1) you are not alone and 2) the first rule here is to look after yourself.


Vivek    

[Eclaire5]

Yes, it's really difficult to put up with those accusations especially when others believe it. However, if we get defensive about it it back fires even more. Try not to take it personal and always remember that such behavior is part of their illness. Projecting is actually a major symptom of BPD, so just tell yourself that it is just the illness manifesting and nothing else. It's really tough sometimes to keep our mouths shut though!

[JKN77]

This can happenn to all of us even from people who don't have BPD. I have a sister who lied all kinds of stuff about me to our mother. What I realized is that I cannot control what others believe or think. I just told my mother, "you know me, what kind of person I am and if I am the type of person who behaves like that. If you believe her, that is your choice".

If they are good and fair people, they will judge you by your actions and not what others say, even if that other is their grandchild. And if they are not good and fair people, then what do you care what they believe or think?

[vivekananda]

wise words said above... .