What if our finances are merged/joint?

[zaqsert]

I hope I'm posting this on the right board... .  

I am planning on staying, at least until my D2 is a bit older.  As to what I choose to do after that, I am currently undecided.  Hoping for the best, but starting to learn how to prepare for the worst, just in case.

One thing I wonder about is my financial situation.  We merged bank accounts and credit card accounts around the time we got married.  That sure made things easier when I thought there was no question about it being "until death do us part".  But, if we were to get divorced, I worry what my uBPDw might do.  Once or twice when she split me black, she seemed to be entirely willing to go to scorched-earth extremes.

How have any of you handled this situation, starting with joint accounts?

[AnotherPhoenix]

I hope I'm posting this on the right board... .  

I am planning on staying, at least until my D2 is a bit older.  As to what I choose to do after that, I am currently undecided.  Hoping for the best, but starting to learn how to prepare for the worst, just in case.

One thing I wonder about is my financial situation.  We merged bank accounts and credit card accounts around the time we got married.  That sure made things easier when I thought there was no question about it being "until death do us part".  But, if we were to get divorced, I worry what my uBPDw might do.  Once or twice when she split me black, she seemed to be entirely willing to go to scorched-earth extremes.

How have any of you handled this situation, starting with joint accounts?

Welcome zaqsert,

Yes, this is the right board!

I'm toward the end of my divorce, and this board has been extremely helpful for me and many others on how to get divorced from a pwBPD, especially so with children, such as your D2.

Do what you can now to protect your assets. See if you can get split bank accounts or a secret, second one for you and start putting away divorce money into it. Set aside some emergency cash in a hidden place. Start interviewing Ls. Get the credit cards in either your name or hers, but not joint. Start documenting her behaviors and what you do to take care of D2. Of course, don't let your wife know of any of these preparations. Start now. You never know when things will go out of control. Sometimes it happens amazingly fast.

Please keep us informed how things are going.

AnotherPheonix 

[zaqsert]

Thanks, AnotherPhoenix!

I've started documenting her behaviors and what I do to take care of D2.  It actually turned out to be enlightening to notice how there were things that happened practically every day.  I saw it happen in person of course, but seeing it written down brought back the reality that, for example, the "good period" that I felt we were in had really only lasted 2 days.  But, back to the topic of this thread... .  

What I'm not sure how to do without setting off alarms is to split bank accounts or credit cards.  Setting up a second, secret one might be a little easier, but I would have to figure out how to start putting money into it.

Wishing you all the best with your divorce!