Dealing with the quiet times

[benny2]

I'm just not sure how to deal with the quiet behavior that my pwBPD displays at times. Its not the silent treatment, just extreme quietness, He will call me and remain speechless on the phone. I have asked him if something is bothering him and he says no, I'm just quiet. I asked him if he needed space from me, and he replys no. I know him and I know when he gets this way there is something bugging him. I don't want to pry because that seems to work in the opposite direction. Does anyone else deal with this? What is the best way to handle it? Its so hard not to take it personally.

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[LetItBe]

Yes, I've dealt with this often.  I know it's so difficult and also that things go poorly when he feels pressured to talk.  I don't believe there's much else to de except let him know you're there for him, radically accept that's the way he is, and practice some loving detachment.

[coworkerfriend]

That was hard for me to deal with too at first.  I did not understand it and I thought we could "talk it out" and make things better.

Now that I know my pwBPD has those moods, I wait it out.  If he wants to talk, he knows I will listen.  My pwBPD has told me that almost all the times he gets quiet, it is not me.  He has told me that when he wants to and is ready to talk about it.

As hard as it is, I am constantly working on not taking things personally because as I figure things out, I realize that it is not about me.  It is about what is going on inside their head.