How would they feel seeing us happy?

[Deleted]

Just out of curiosity has anyone on here ever thought about how your BPD ex would feel when they see us genuinely happy? And I don't mean the type of ""happiness"" they project after a break up   but an actual positive change in our lives.

I know I know, after a certain period of time we shouldn't care about how they feel but I can't help it, this thought is going to be on the back of my mind.

[HarmKrakow]

I know I know, after a certain period of time we shouldn't care about how they feel but I can't help it, this thought is going to be on the back of my mind.

Exactly what you state here.

They don't care.

[VeryFree]

I don't know.

I hope after the divorce-thing is over, she totally forgets about me, never sees me again and never hears of me again, so she will stay out of my life.

[expos]

I notice a correlation that the higher-functioning, obviously, the more they feel.

My ex-BPD wife had kept vacation photos of her and her ex-boyfriend before I asked her to delete them.  She also had kept some photos of her previous boyfriends as well.   She painted these guys black.

I believe that she did probably throw a lot our photos away.  But, that's not to say she will EVER forget me.  I specifically left my Facebook profile public for her to stalk me anytime to scope out all the fun things I'm doing, as well as the newer, pretty girls that are flirting with me. 

Sorry, but it feels good to burn her a little after she smashed me, my family, my friends, my job, my hobbies in 3 years of marriage.  She missed out on a very good life with me... .   and all she had to do was respect me. 

So my conclusion:  If you sit around and mope and post on bpdfamily all day, they don't feel bad moving on.  If you are out there with hot girls/boys and doing fun stuff, they will sit and be miserable and wish you were with them again.  (But too bad, they already blew it.  )

[mtmc01]

Being that mine jumped right into another R/S with a guy immediately after being engaged to me, I don't think she'd give a rat's butt if I was happy or not right now. Maybe it'd bother her once things with this guy start to tank, but hopefully I won't know or care by then.

[j4c]

If i were to rephrase the question slightly to - How would a 4 year old boy feel if they saw their friend riding around on a really nice bike? I suppose the answer would depend on how happy the boy was with his own bike. If he really liked his own bike he probably wouldnt care too much about his mates, but should he own a bike hes bored of the chances are that jealousy and nastiness will come into play.

[HarmKrakow]

If i were to rephrase the question slightly to - How would a 4 year old boy feel if they saw their friend riding around on a really nice bike? I suppose the answer would depend on how happy the boy was with his own bike. If he really liked his own bike he probably wouldnt care too much about his mates, but should he own a bike hes bored of the chances are that jealousy and nastiness will come into play.

BPDers see jealousy and nastiness different than 'nons'. I don't think it's as easy laid out as the way you describe it here . Your situation would be correct if they would be considered normal.

[mango_flower]

I think that if I were to be happy, or meet somebody else, she would have an absolute wobble.

Not because she wants me back, as I have said, she's super happy for now in her new relationship... .  

But because it would mean that I am no longer in love with her.  And that will dent her tiny self-esteem and ego.  And make her realise I DON'T need her to be happy.

She likes to feel needed and wanted and loved.

[HarmKrakow]

I think that if I were to be happy, or meet somebody else, she would have an absolute wobble.

Not because she wants me back, as I have said, she's super happy for now in her new relationship... .  

But because it would mean that I am no longer in love with her.  And that will dent her tiny self-esteem and ego.  And make her realise I DON'T need her to be happy.

She likes to feel needed and wanted and loved.

I'm not sure about it. Could be, thats for sure. But I do think BPDers don't cling on the past although keep you 'alive' for recycling purposes. (some atleast).

They are like spiders, bite, don't let go. The moment they let go, your still in their web but cling on something else. If you freed yourself from the web, they wont chase you, but just pick someone else. As you said it yourself, they are feeders (of wanting to feel needed, wanted and loved) Although to a certain extent, everyone wants to feel needed, wanted and loved. I mean, who doesn't?

[Mightyhammers]

I had my FB page completely public until the weekend, where Ive now closed it off. Before that point I checked into EVERY PLACE I WENT ( and believe me it was a lot ) – bars, restaurants, clubs. I KNOW shes been looking at it, but what she feels about it? I have absolutely no idea if she would be happy for me or not

[SarahinMA]

I think me being "happy" is just further evidence for him that I never loved him.  That's what I struggled with a lot after he broke up with me.  He always claimed that he loved me more and that I never did- so when people kept telling me that I needed to move on, there was a lot of guilt on my part.  I just wanted him to realize how much I DID love him and wasn't going to leave him.  I asked him months after our breakup if that's what he really wanted- me to move on and us to date other people and he said "yes".  So I did... .  

Now, if he's not avoiding me completely, he pretends he doesn't know me or looks at me with anger and hate.  Unlike so many others, my ex didn't jump into anything new- his source was his narcissistic roommate and best friend.  So, he hates that I've dated others and he hasn't.  I'm somehow to blame for that, I suspect.