BACK AGAIN... NEED SOME COMFORTING

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi everyone, I haven't been on here for a while, I've really been trying to deal with a couple of things, I did manage to get my ex to court for recovery of my belongings, he was ordered to return them to me in 10 days, however, he went straight out and appealed the orders... .smart... .I suppose he doesn't want to explain to his new love why he had to return all the nice things in his house to his ex... .I found out this morning that is told his sisters he was getting married again, #4, and guess what, the ex proposed on our anniversary, April 18. Wasn't that a big surprise?  Why do these people do these things?  He is totally wierd and makes me feel that I am wierd for even knowing him.  I think the demand on him to return my things pushed him into doing his thing again... .I feel sorry for the new love, she really probably has no ideal what she is in for... .the big rollercoaster.

[HeartBroke]

Hi everyone, I haven't been on here for a while, I've really been trying to deal with a couple of things, I did manage to get my ex to court for recovery of my belongings, he was ordered to return them to me in 10 days, however, he went straight out and appealed the orders... .smart... .I suppose he doesn't want to explain to his new love why he had to return all the nice things in his house to his ex... .I found out this morning that is told his sisters he was getting married again, #4, and guess what, the ex proposed on our anniversary, April 18. Wasn't that a big surprise?  Why do these people do these things?  He is totally wierd and makes me feel that I am wierd for even knowing him.  I think the demand on him to return my things pushed him into doing his thing again... .I feel sorry for the new love, she really probably has no ideal what she is in for... .the big rollercoaster.

[DAS]

 Indeed. They are weird. But the new interest is neglecting the warning sign of being #4... .

But    anyway.

[TonyC]

i guess 3 times a charm is out the window huh?

why are you speaking to the sisters... .and why so they feel the need to share this stuff with you?

[innerspirit]

i guess 3 times a charm is out the window huh?

why are you speaking to the sisters... .and why so they feel the need to share this stuff with you?

I'd agree --- if you're not made aware of an attemped , it has no power.  Know what I mean?  If your X had some twisted reason to propose on your anniversary, it would be of no effect at all on you if you never learned of it.   If he needs the symbolism, to do some sick dance on the grave, well that's his thing.

And IMO, I'd cut the ties with the sisters -- they are helping him in his attempt to manipulate you.

Here's to your real life moving ahead, into fresh territory not darkened by continuing psychodrama.   x

[jpounce]

Hi HeartBroke,

 Sorry to hear that the BPDx is making it tough for you to get back what is your own stuff. I bet you're absolutely correct. He appealed because otherwise he'd have to explain to his new love, ( read, new victim ) why he has to give all the cool stuff in his house back to you. Especially if he's painted you as all bad, and him as all good, to the new love interest, cause a court ordering him to give all the nice things over to you, certainly wouldn't support that argument.

  As for getting married to number 4, I think we have to remind ourselves that these persons don't think the way the rest of us do, so there could be any number of reasons... .love not even necessarily one of them... .why he's doing this. My uBPDxgf once said me, after we split up the first time, but before I jumped back in for a second time; " Maybe I'll marry the mailman. He's liked me a lot for a really long time. But if I do, it sure wont be because I love him or anything "

As for proposing on your anniversary? Could be any number of reasons for that as well. Maybe its a "I'll show her" kind of thing, figuring it would get back to you. Or maybe in his mind, he was reminded on that day that there's a void in his life, where you used to be, and so he better fill it quick so he can tell himself all is right with the world.  

  Don't let him get to ya HeartBroke.  He is ( though you may still care about him ), damaged goods, so you wont find much logic in his actions.

  And on a lighter note... .If he married one girl and it didn't work out, he could reason,"well she was just a b#*ch. Marry a second girl and it doesn't work out, he could still just chalk it up to, "man, I sure can pick em" . But after 3 in a row, with the same results... .You'd think he'd begin to realize, " hey, maybe I'm the ___hole"

[HeartBroke]

Thanks for the replies, I know that I should break the ties with his sister, but we have been friends through all of this stuff... and she begs me not to even talk to him.  I don't think that she really wants me to be hurt, but I know that she prefers that he be with me because I always took good care of him.  She loves both of us, but I realize that blood is thicker than water.  Good advice and I will try... .I was wife #2 and after each of his messes, he comes back to this old girl to cry, well the consoling is over, there has been no contact for 3 months and it is really beginning to feel good... .after I collect my things I really believe that I will never want to see him again.  I sense the darkness in him and he scares me... there has been times that I feared for my safety, I still catch myself listening for noises, but I am not in his house, and I have to remind myself that he is not in my house, so I don't have to worry so much.  He is so sneaky and he has never told the truth about anything... .as for his new love, I know he doesn't love her because he doesn't know how to sincerely care about anyone, never has and never will.

[little doggy]

Sorry for you heartbreak. It sounds pretty tough. I don't necessarily agree with having NC with his sister, especially if she's a freind and is supportive. Just be careful that you are not having contact by proxy (even accidental). Be prepared to make the ex a no-go topic for you both.

As for the anniversay proposal, us guys aren't good on dates - perhaps he thought it was a good way to remember (saves him having to remember a new date) !

[innerspirit]

Sorry for you heartbreak. It sounds pretty tough. I don't necessarily agree with having NC with his sister, especially if she's a freind and is supportive. Just be careful that you are not having contact by proxy (even accidental). Be prepared to make the ex a no-go topic for you both.

If it's a boundary that isn't crossed, that would work, I think.

As for the anniversay proposal,... .perhaps he thought it was a good way to remember (saves him having to remember a new date) !

Yup.  Maybe not even a gender thing as far as memory goes.

[HeartBroke]

WOW... .   I cannot beleive that it has been 3 years since I posted on this site.  I am sorry to see that so many are still struggling with these poor pathetic souls.  Since my last post, I have had -0- contact with my ex or his family members, and to be honest, it has not been missed.  I have dated a little, but still find it hard to put a lot of confidence in anyone... .   mostly date just for companionship, no ties.  I find myself watching for the old traits to come out... .   you know, the ones that stays hidden from the world but  eat you alive in private.  One site of it and I run... .   well, anyway, rumor has it that my exBPD has gotten a baby... .   a new born baby... .   from somewhere... . with his new woman.  Remember she is now 40 and he is 68... .   I fight the feelings that there is some reason for the baby... .   poor child.  The ex hasn't spoken to his own children in at least 5 years... .   am I wrong in wondering how in the world these two people can get a child? I have been told that she is on several meds, to help her deal and stay calm.  I can't imagine it... .   but I guess time will tell.