Facebook Games

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I too had another Facebook profile that I used to look at his page.  He has everything set to public, so I could see all that he was posting. 

I blocked HIM on Facebook, so I was feeling guilty about checking his page.  At first, it was to make myself feel safe.  I was afraid he was planning to do something to me, and I thought I could get clues from his page.

What I got instead was just more of the same.  I got exactly what I got when we were in contact, only this time it wasn't on purpose.  I got that he was going back to his wife.  Then he wasn't.  Then he was "liking" pages of organizations I was involved in, and "liking" posts and pictures I was in.  Then he was going back to his wife.  Then he unliked everything he had just liked.

I foun I was on the same roller coaster, only this time it was completely my own doing.  So last Wed. I deactivated the 2nd account.  It takes 2 weekend for it to be actually deactivated.  Wish me luck and fortitude that I can stay away and truly start healing once and for all!

[PM10]

I too had another Facebook profile that I used to look at his page.  He has everything set to public, so I could see all that he was posting. 

I blocked HIM on Facebook, so I was feeling guilty about checking his page.  At first, it was to make myself feel safe.  I was afraid he was planning to do something to me, and I thought I could get clues from his page.

What I got instead was just more of the same.  I got exactly what I got when we were in contact, only this time it wasn't on purpose.  I got that he was going back to his wife.  Then he wasn't.  Then he was "liking" pages of organizations I was involved in, and "liking" posts and pictures I was in.  Then he was going back to his wife.  Then he unliked everything he had just liked.

I foun I was on the same roller coaster, only this time it was completely my own doing.  So last Wed. I deactivated the 2nd account.  It takes 2 weekend for it to be actually deactivated.  Wish me luck and fortitude that I can stay away and truly start healing once and for all!

[jdcthunder14]

I foun I was on the same roller coaster, only this time it was completely my own doing.  So last Wed. I deactivated the 2nd account.  It takes 2 weekend for it to be actually deactivated.  Wish me luck and fortitude that I can stay away and truly start healing once and for all!

I did the same thing, deactivated the account... .   but then needed my "fix" (really is like an addiction is some regards) and it came right back... .   I must not have waited the two weeks. I will have to do that again.

All this is doing is making me waste even more time thinking about a long ago past that has no meaning anymore.

I think I need to answer my own question... .   why is she doing it? Well she has BPD is why... .   no making sense of that.

[PM10]

It is absolutely an addiction!

If you deactivate the account, you can just sign back on any time and procede as normal.  You have to permanantly delete the account if you don't want access to it any more.  It took me a while to figure out how to do that.  I only really use my phone, and I think that added to the difficulty.  But you search help on Facebook to find out how to do it.  You have to enter your password to do it, and it will inform you that you will have access to the account for 2 weeks. Then you'll know you have deleted it, and not just deactivated it.

[jdcthunder14]

PM10

I didn't know that... .   but truthfully I have to not look. I will delete the account but I could always make another one if I wanted. So I have to get myself straight and not want to look anymore.

As stated above, I am curious about why she would do it... .   but I need to get to a place where I just do not care anymore.

As Mango said it is bait... .   up to me if I take it or not.

[PM10]

I understand.  It occurred to me too that I could just make another account.  I just felt like deleting it was a step.  Waiting the 2 weeks will be another step.  Each step making me stronger so that I do not WANT to look again.

I know, though.  There is much more to it than that!

[Mightyhammers]

Does anyone know if there is a way to effectively delete their account from your point of view? What I mean is to make the account so it doesn’t exist? Im not fussed about her looking at my account, its just that I cant help myself looking at her putting up a new picture of herself every 3 days……

[jdcthunder14]

Mighty:

Blocking them on your end is the best you can do there. If you make a different account just to look at her posts, like I did, then there is a different set of rules for each account. In computer programming terms, there is no "global" setting to keep you from see her posts anywhere on the internet... .   as I mentioned above that global setting is inside ourselves.

[Tracy500]

Facebook is the devil.  That's what I've concluded. 

My boyfriend's children and soon to be exw/BPD used it to publicly humiliate him on several occasions.  She had alienated the children from him at the time.  She even mentioned my name on there in a passive aggressive way so that people would ask her about me.  She sent me a scathing private message through FB to me as well. 

In our case, FB has come back to bite her.  She posts a bunch of stuff about how wonderful her life is and it has upset my boyfriend's family greatly.  He's going through cancer treatment and they're upset that she's so insensitive to that.   

The children (they're teen and adult) are beginning to question their mother.  Others who know the situation are realizing that her behavior is not right as well. 

My friend and I decided that nobody puts anything close to reality on FB.  We call it "Facebook Branding." 

That's especially true with pwBPD.  We can't take anything that they write seriously.  I have much less curiosity about it because I've finally realized that it's irrelevant.  It's as if someone said, "I'm going to create a FB page for Jane Doe.  Then I'm going to post a bunch of stuff but it will all be lies."  Who would care to read that?  I certainly wouldn't. 

Try to see it for the Facebook branding that it is and perhaps you'll be far less curious about it.  Also, you may want to block her from you so you will have to go through an extra step in order to see any of it.  Finally, remember that it's not real and you don't want to waste your precious energy and time on something that is a fabrication or exaggeration of the truth. 

[jdcthunder14]

Facebook is the devil.  That's what I've concluded.  

My friend and I decided that nobody puts anything close to reality on FB.  We call it "Facebook Branding."  

I agree on this point... .   don't know about the devil, I think it just allows people to be who there are in a more public forum. I have seen other posts of hers that I am sure had nothing to do with me... .   way to personal, looking for attention. Like you said, trouble with facebook goes double for people with BPD.

I am not curious about what is going on in her life... .   really. I just know that these particular posts are aimed at me and I wonder why she would still care what I am thinking... .   it has been a year and she has a new life. As I mentioned further up the thread she hadn't posted anything public for a over a month so I actually thought she was done playing the game, then up pops the Arizona pictures that I know are aimed at me. My past responses to these things (> 5 months ago) would be to fire off an email so maybe she is expecting that... .   but don't know.

[jdcthunder14]

Well after doing a bit more reading on this type of behavior I have to say I agree with Clearmind... .   this isn't an attempt to hurt, it is what is commonly termed a "~." We wouldn't get into a full fledged recycle, that would be impossible considering her circumstances, plus I have no intention of going down that path to no where. As mentioned above I went through many months of emailing, all of which she answered. The communication would ultimatley turn into an argument so frankly i got sick of it, ran out of things to say and was getting nothing in return, so I stopped. That was 5 months ago.

It will be interesting to see if she steps up her attempts by emailing me. The only positive I would gain from that would be to be as close to 100% sure then that she indeed has BPD.

Thanks for the input folks.