Coincidence -- the universe-- and BPD in my life

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I had a sort of strange experience yesterday-- a coincidence, serendipity, synchronicity.

8 years ago, I found bpdfamily.com, then called the Nook. Within a few weeks, I was separated from my exBPDH and hired an attorney. I was divorced about 9 months later. I spent a lot of time learning about BPD and navigating the waters of dating single dad's. As luck would have it, I found a wonderful man who was also divorced from a BPD partner. Because of so much I had learned by osmosis from reading the posts of other Husbands/BF/Dads here I was able to comfort him and tell him he really really was not alone. He completely understood my situation with exBPDH and it was so comforting to me as well. I had one long term 10 month relationship before I met my DH and he was always frightened of my ex... .   and it was so nice that DH was not scared and would just stand beside me when I was having a contentious conversation and tell me to just hang up or whatever... .  

He had 3 S and I had 2D. We married 6 years ago and began a blended family together.

As the years have gone on, it's become apparent that 2 of his sons are pretty mentally ill. My SS10 has many BPD traits and is enmeshed somewhow with his BPD mother. In fact, it was his behaviors that really brought me back to bpdfamily.com the past couple years. Especially this January when I came back and really have not looked back... .   due to an incident with trying to plan for SS10 birthday with BPD bio mom.

At any rate, so yesterday, I was taking my SS10 for more psych testing to a doctor of his that has changed practices. It is in a suburb that used to be close to my old house, 8 years ago, and as I plugged it into my GPS I wasn't thinking anything... .   just about the 40 minute drive and how I wish the doc had not moved... .  

So, as I'm pulling into the parking lot... .   I get this huge rush of dejavu and I realize that this is the same nondescript suburban office complex that my old divorce attorney was in. I googled it just to make sure as she has moved locations... .   and sure enough... .   this was where I was 8 years ago.

As I was waiting for the doctor, I got a call on my cell phone from an unknown number... .   loud spanish language radio playing in someone's car but no voice. A misdial I guess. My exBPDH is mexican.

SO the whole experience has me really thinking about time, the universe, synchronicities, and how I am back on bpdfamily.com and still dealing with BPD head on. It must be my dharma to be here.

Just wanted to share I guess, not sure if others have these kind of strange events going on that often

mamachelle

[mamachelle]

I had a sort of strange experience yesterday-- a coincidence, serendipity, synchronicity.

8 years ago, I found bpdfamily.com, then called the Nook. Within a few weeks, I was separated from my exBPDH and hired an attorney. I was divorced about 9 months later. I spent a lot of time learning about BPD and navigating the waters of dating single dad's. As luck would have it, I found a wonderful man who was also divorced from a BPD partner. Because of so much I had learned by osmosis from reading the posts of other Husbands/BF/Dads here I was able to comfort him and tell him he really really was not alone. He completely understood my situation with exBPDH and it was so comforting to me as well. I had one long term 10 month relationship before I met my DH and he was always frightened of my ex... .   and it was so nice that DH was not scared and would just stand beside me when I was having a contentious conversation and tell me to just hang up or whatever... .  

He had 3 S and I had 2D. We married 6 years ago and began a blended family together.

As the years have gone on, it's become apparent that 2 of his sons are pretty mentally ill. My SS10 has many BPD traits and is enmeshed somewhow with his BPD mother. In fact, it was his behaviors that really brought me back to bpdfamily.com the past couple years. Especially this January when I came back and really have not looked back... .   due to an incident with trying to plan for SS10 birthday with BPD bio mom.

At any rate, so yesterday, I was taking my SS10 for more psych testing to a doctor of his that has changed practices. It is in a suburb that used to be close to my old house, 8 years ago, and as I plugged it into my GPS I wasn't thinking anything... .   just about the 40 minute drive and how I wish the doc had not moved... .  

So, as I'm pulling into the parking lot... .   I get this huge rush of dejavu and I realize that this is the same nondescript suburban office complex that my old divorce attorney was in. I googled it just to make sure as she has moved locations... .   and sure enough... .   this was where I was 8 years ago.

As I was waiting for the doctor, I got a call on my cell phone from an unknown number... .   loud spanish language radio playing in someone's car but no voice. A misdial I guess. My exBPDH is mexican.

SO the whole experience has me really thinking about time, the universe, synchronicities, and how I am back on bpdfamily.com and still dealing with BPD head on. It must be my dharma to be here.

Just wanted to share I guess, not sure if others have these kind of strange events going on that often

mamachelle

[DreamGirl]

I do believe that everything happens for a reason.  

I'm also glad that your life has brought you back to bpdfamily.com. It's good to have you here.  

I do think that we choose partners and lives because it's what we find comfortable - no matter how logistically "uncomfortable" the situation actually is.  

I don't know that I was ever properly equipped to deal with an ex who struggles as much as she does and three stepdaughters who are constantly trying to cope.  I certainly could leave my husband and all the drama that his situation brings. I choose to stay... .  lots of therapy has revealed as to why I would do such a thing.

You had a lot going on in your life, with a BPDex, as it was. It's interesting that you would choose a life partner who compounded these same issues you have to deal with times three (another BPDex and two sons with issues).  

This is Personal Inventory where we delve into the "whys".

Perhaps it's your calling. Perhaps it's just what you know.

What do you think?

[mamachelle]

Hey DreamGirl,

I thought this post got buried. Now I actually have to think about why I posted here a week ago. 

I do believe that everything happens for a reason. 

I'm also glad that your life has brought you back to bpdfamily.com. It's good to have you here. 

Thanks for taking the time to respond... .  and thanks for welcoming me back and helping me out of the birthday party rut that brought me here... .  again.

I do think that we choose partners and lives because it's what we find comfortable - no matter how logistically "uncomfortable" the situation actually is. 

Perhaps it's your calling. Perhaps it's just what you know.

What do you think?

I think well... .  

I grew up in a series of blended families. My mom died when I was 6... .  suicide... .  long story for another day... .  I really was/is the textbook resilient child. Like so many of us here... .  I was frightened of certain things when I got married the first time to BPDexH. I was pretty young and was involved with some crazy music and art scene people and my exH was like the complete opposite- and seemingly into having a family and stability which I needed.

With my NonH- again, I was seeking stability and he really offered me so much understanding.

I was/am in love, with a touch of fear of my past and future, and excitement. He is an artist like me, and I liked his kids. I think my daughters have tremendously benefitted from having him around as well as stepdad. In so many ways, so good... .  My D's never really fight with his S's. The sibs fight amongst each blood line but treat eachother more like good cousins.

It's interesting that you would choose a life partner who compounded these same issues you have to deal with times three (another BPDex and two sons with issues).   

That being said, I really really did not know how mental illness in children worked. I was naieve and believed that it was all BPD mama's fault as my DH's Mom and Sis kept telling me... .  or that if you could name it, you could fix it in talk therapy. There, is where I was really dumb, or blind, or both. The boys were 3,4, and 9 when we got married, and so who knew?


I do think this is my calling in a way. I really do pull a lot of meaning from the universe and signs and from the undercurrent of life.

My daughter said something to me recently that she sees or understands more than most of her friends, and I know she is right.

It is definitely a blessing and a curse probably some kind of inherited psychic ability.

Another weird coincidence, is the day i was invited to be ambassador here, my H found out his film made it into a prestigious festival. I was struggling with how to tell him as I was excited and nervous, but then I had the perfect opening to talk to him. It was cool that both of us had good things happen on the same day, sort of out of the blue.

My personal inventory issue may be-- not allowing my intuitive self to take on more than my physical self can handle.

This assignment, this family, my dharma, is huge, and I am struggling, often with the weight of it all.

I do work on this a lot with my therapist, because sometimes I really question how the heck I ended up with all this... .  and what role my susceptibility to synchronicity plays into increasing my vulnerability to taking on too much... .  and then I have to start thinking about string theory and making spaghetti for dinner. 

mamachelle