does your birthday make them angry?

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hello again,

My birthday is a big trigger for me now. My husband's family always has a dinner, his mom makes me a cake, and I get cards and a present! It feels so odd. I also find myself feeling really irritated with people who make a big deal about their birthdays, or who talk about celebrating their "birthday months" or "birthday weeks".  

Has anyone else experienced something like this?

[WolfSpider]

Hello again,

My birthday is a big trigger for me now. My husband's family always has a dinner, his mom makes me a cake, and I get cards and a present! It feels so odd. I also find myself feeling really irritated with people who make a big deal about their birthdays, or who talk about celebrating their "birthday months" or "birthday weeks".  

Has anyone else experienced something like this?

[OnlyChild]

My uBPD mom would get upset when I didn't spend my birthday with her.  She would call me at the exact time of day I was born and sing happy birthday, which was really sweet.    That would then be followed by "it's too bad you can't be here by mommy to celebrate."   Then some comment about her being the one to give birth, how difficult it was (I was breach, so I'm sure it wasn't easy!)... .  and eventually as the conversation would go, one would think she was talking about her own birthday.   It was not a celebration of my entry into the world, but a celebration of her being the one to give birth.    Really doesn't enforce value for the birthday girl.   

[rescuenomore]

WolfSpider that sounds awful.  No wonder you are uncomfortable when someone makes a fuss.  I don't know if my birthday used to make my uBPDm angry or what she felt but she did get drunk most years on my birthday.  And her kind of drunk is the massive binge drinking wipe yourself out until you are pretty much comatose and vomiting, but still drink some more, for at least a week.  I also am a bit weird with people making a fuss over me, not just at birthdays but at leaving dos, baby showers (i never had them) etc.  It just feels unnatural to me and embarrassing.

[GeekyGirl]

WolfSpider, that's so awful. No wonder your birthday is a trigger! 

It sounds like your husband's family is trying to be nice, but I can imagine why you'd feel uncomfortable making your birthday a big event. What would you be comfortable with doing to celebrate it? Would something more low-key make you feel more comfortable?

[Swampy]

I was born the day my uBPD Mother's younger brother got married.  The marriage didn't turn out so well.  If not for me, she would have been there to stop the wedding.  I've learned not to expect a happy bday.