Just left my BPD wife - She's begging me to come home

[Depression = 72% of members]

After years of torment, I finally found the strength to leave my BPD wife. I packed my things and went to stay with my brother. This was yesterday.

Today, she calls me and begs me over and over to come home. I felt bad. I'm not a cruel person at heart. But I know if I go home, it'll just be the same cycle of verbal and emotional abuse repeated again.

What can I do? She's killing me with her weepiness. Should I return into the relationship and become her emotional punching bag again just because of guilt?

I KNOW I'll never be happy with her. I've been severely depressed for the last few months and yet there's a part of my brain that says, "Give it one more shot. See how sad and upset she is? Be a martyr and go back to her."

[justleft]

After years of torment, I finally found the strength to leave my BPD wife. I packed my things and went to stay with my brother. This was yesterday.

Today, she calls me and begs me over and over to come home. I felt bad. I'm not a cruel person at heart. But I know if I go home, it'll just be the same cycle of verbal and emotional abuse repeated again.

What can I do? She's killing me with her weepiness. Should I return into the relationship and become her emotional punching bag again just because of guilt?

I KNOW I'll never be happy with her. I've been severely depressed for the last few months and yet there's a part of my brain that says, "Give it one more shot. See how sad and upset she is? Be a martyr and go back to her."

[babyducks]

I am new here also, and can relate to what you have posted.   For me it sounds like the classic double bind of nothing I ever did was right.

For me, and only for me in my particular situation, I need to be wary of doing things to 'buy peace at any price'. 

I also need to be generous to myself,  giving myself the time to make good, well informed decisions.

Time and distance has helped me, I am not going to figure this out all in one day.   But I do understand that I need some time to myself to work through some of the 'stuff' I have accumulated.

Good Luck, and take very good care of yourself.  Pay attention to the basics, eating, drinking, and sleeping.

[laelle]

 

Hey there Justleft,

From what you describe you may have spent many years in the push and pull of a relationship with someone who has BPD.

I dont think you are being cruel.  Its healthy for both of you to take some time out and get yourself to a healthy place.  How things move further from there is up to you and your wife.  Whether you decide to end it permanently or want to work on communication skills to better your relationship, we are here to help.

Now that you have made the first step.  What can you do to get yourself to that happy place?  I love to cook... .  im not very good  

but its a work in progress anyway.


Laelle