Passive aggressive

[BrewCrew17]

Is this a common BPD trait? My ex seems to be a professional at it. She mastered it, especially the last month of our relationship when she seemed like she was planning her getaway when she was obsessively texting on her phone, computer, ignoring me, lying, leaving at weird hours of the day as I watched the child, etc. But when I confronted her on any of this, she had nothing to say, acting like it was regular behavior. It clearly was not. The most bizarre behavior was her going to the bathroom multiple times a day for extended periods of time, and said I was controlling and flipped out on me because I was asking what the hell was up. Completely weird out of the norm behavior, spending 5-10 minutes in the bathroom 3-4 times an evening. Sorry. God only knows what was going on there, yet I am getting yelled at like I am doing something wrong... .  

[TippyTwo]

I don't know if it is typical.

To me, someone being passive aggressive is expressing hostility in indirect ways. Gaslighting is someone trying to convince me that what I am seeing, experiencing and reacting to, isn't happening.

The lying, the denials, the "gaslighting" accusations, the paranoia accusations etc.

I think it is part of the pattern to not take responsibility for their actions. And, it is part of them saying trust my words not my actions.

Plus, I think they know when the gig is about to be up or when it is no longer serving their needs. It is all about them, and they will do what they need to in order to survive.

My experience was that the exBPD never lets go of one without having another on the hook. It's seeing the patterns of behavior by taking the blinders off i.e. left me to reunite with ex in 2 days, after a month was juggling both of us for a couple of months tho he was unaware of it, dumped him and came to me the following week. We broke up for good 2 weeks ago.

I have seen her behavior and been part of the pattern. I know what it looks like. I know how she behaves when she is involved and how she behaves when she is ready to recycle. And, tho she loves her secrecy, it is hard to cover up a digital paper trail.

I made sure to keep copies of conversations and texts. I had to. Too often I was told she never said this or did that. For my own sanity, I needed to reread things to know the truth of what happened, not her convenient fantasy of what happened.

Trust your gut and what you experienced. Her version is not reliable.

[Validation78]

Hey Brew!

Many of the behaviors exhibited by pwBPD are hard to accept. They leave us wondering if the problems are ours or theirs. SInce BPD is a disorder wrought with poor emotional control, passive aggression rears it head frequently. PwBPD don't have the emotional maturity to express their emotions in a healthy and productive manner, so they resort to the only way they know. That's why we see rants (outward aggression) and passive aggression. Either way, the behavior befuddles us, is abusive, and is simply an unhealthy way to deal with emotions, especially in a relationship where good communication skills are essential to resolve problems.

I have found that understanding more about BPD, and how it presents, makes it easier to deal with and accept. I don't blame myself anymore.

Best Wishes,

Val78