Happy Mothers Day text from BPD BioMom... WOW

[mamachelle]

First I want to say... .  

Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms, Stepmoms, Grandmas, and SOs here!

I just wanted to share that I got a really nice Mother's Day text thank you from BPDBioMom.   We have her 3 Sons, 8, 10, 15--- 90 % time and she lives across the country... .  today boys are with her as she flew in for a disney weekend-- so she texted me while boys were with her.

I credit my hard work, my cloak of invisibilty, and all the help and guidance I get here at bpdfamily.com... .  

and though results not typical... .    I hope others here can achieve a less contentious relationship over time... .  

mamachelle

[Thunderstruck]

Happy Mothers Day! That's awesome that she acknowledged you in such a nice way! 

[mamachelle]

Thanks, yeah. It is awesome. She has calmed down so much over the past 6 years. I know a big part is that my DH got the residential parent during the divorce and she had so much trouble with being a reliable mom and even seeing them for visitation regularly. She was a real B---- for the first few years but then started realizing I really didn't care about her drama. Neither did her sons. The older one really didn't even listen to her-- so if she said stuff about me it was useless. Also, I was the one picking the kids up when she cancelled and she had to call me to apologize so she realized I was not all bad ... .  And so a few years ago, when she wanted to leave... .  DH was like, "oh so you want to move across the country and go live with your mom... .  that's fine... .  " We don't interfere with her and don't ask for anything and she knows we don't hate her. DH prefers not to talk much to her and she with him ... . She'll never know all the work I do for her sons and I don't care for her to know either. 2 of them have quite a number of psychiatric issues but are stabilized at the moment. These 2 are both on the autism spectrum as well. I don't blame her for their issues and try to inform her as best I can without letting her know the extent of the interventions. She just knows the boys are doing better, which makes her life easier.

I know my SS10 was calling his Dad at least 6 times during the visit with her with present suggestions for me for Mother's Day. 

The kids came back ok, but there is always this decompression time where we try to figure out exactly what happened. Since her time is so compressed and so disney we never know.

[NorthernGirl]

Wow. I can't imagine UBPD BioMom ever doing that. The results are definitely not typical -- so well done mamachelle for all your work!

We were just thankful that for the first time in the 7 years I've known DH, his ex did not make Mother's Day the biggest deal of the year with the kids. The youngest said his mom went out of town. I presume she went with her on-again, off-again BF so he must have been her priority. Usually it is an awful, stressful day for the kids. They have gotten yelled at for not calling soon enough in the morning, not making a big enough deal of how important the day is, etc. Maybe there's been a shift now that the kids are older (18, 21 and 23.)

[newlymarried]

I am glad that you were acknowledged. Congrats!

[mamachelle]

NorthernGirl,

Yes, I know-- it used to be stressful when she lived here. I remember one year taking my oldest SS15 to make a necklace for his mom. it cost like $50 or something but he wanted to do it. He was so proud of it... .  and then she just lost it when they were there because SS15 (then 11) did not want to go see some lame musical she had tickets for (like a community theater production of Grease that her friend was in?) She was ranting about how it was HER DAY and the BOYS should do WHAT She wanted... .  Then later she was all mooning over the necklace saying how nice it was-- after she had torn my SS down.

So, yeah-- I guess everyone is getting older... .  glad that your day was ok too. 

newlymarried,

thanks, it's nice.

and this is the only place where other people get the fact that this is like a rare cosmic event... .  probably not to be repeated but always remembered

[sanemom]

I didn't get that from BPD mom, but the skids all wished my Happy Mother's Day, and I don't think they would have if she wasn't kind of in a good mood in the first place... .  they sometimes are guarded about stuff like that with me, and I suspect she says things that makes them guarded.  It is hard to know really... .

but great job, mamachelle!

[mamachelle]

thanks sanemom,

yeah, she was in a very good place. DH had let the boys pick her out nice presents and cards so she was feeling good. Glad your Skids wished you a Happy Mother's Day. It's all such a long process. I think these blended families on average take like 5-6 years to sort of settle. When you add in a BPD parent-- that may add on a few years and points for difficulty... .