Stressed

[yeeter]

I need to go take a walk, but don't want to.  Just want a little calm time.  Peace and quiet without being on eggshells.

The inlaws have been here for the last two weeks.  They are ok people, but my FIL is late stage alzheimers and has to be watched at very second, yelled at to be heard (hearing aid is a loud whine all the time), frequent naps, etc.  There aren't a lot of places to sit in our house (another story all together... .  My wife is a 'collector' of stuff), so even find a seat to sit at isn't always available.

Then my wife has the N stuff cranked to the max (fed by her mother), and a mode she goes into with the kids when her parents are around of being much more strict about very detail.

So they go to the store this afternoon and me and the kids get some mellow time.  It's was nice and calm, and I have had virtually none for some time so was craving it.  Thn when my wife gets home she starts yelling at the kids about different things that need cleaned or picked up or was out of order. 

My nerves are shot.  I made a comment that she must have had a hard time at the store.  She asked why I thought this and I said because she has been barking orders at everyone since the moment she got home.  She denied it.  I pressed it (like a dumbhead), wanting her to realize it.  Digressed into the usual... .  Her claiming I never listen (she feels that if she just explains herself then its ok behaviour) and me walking away upset and saying it's sad we can't communicate.

I really need to get outside but my allergies have been keeping me housebound (eyes stinging and watering so bad I can't see my computer at work even.  Brutal this year).  And I don't really want to.  I want to just hang and relax for a while without having another 'task' to do ( our life is crazy over scheduled rushing from task to task).

I'm burnt. Both emotionally and physically.  Need to take care of myself but the only time for this is either at the sacrifice of sleep, or activity with my children.

Just really feeling the effect of being alone and not having someone to go through the day to day life struggles with. 

Ok I'm done venting.  S8 just came in and suggested we go look for something to use his toys for us gift cert on... .  Would get me away for a bit at least, although not quite down time.  Likely the other kids will join.

Ooohhhhhhhuuuuuuummmmmmmmmm... .  

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[byasliver]

Oh, yeeter   I hate those "I-don't-think-I-can-take-one-more-second" days! If you have to hide yourself in a closet for 10 minutes just to breathe, do it! If you have to do that once per hour - find some way to take care of you - even if only in tiny doses! Sorry I don't have more to offer.

[patientandclear]

Yeeter ... .  of all people, you deserve some instant support around here!  So sorry you are feeling lonely in the relationship.  Any of us would be.  For what it's worth, I bet your kids appreciate that you noticed and said something about the barking orders.  Seriously.  It's important validation for them even if it's not something she can hear and respond to as you'd ideally want.

I'm glad you said what you said and I think it's globally healthy that you did.

I'll also say I bet you actually listen to your wife about 1000 times more than any randomly selected possible mate would.  So.  Just feel good about your listening accomplishments even if she isn't seeing them.  Her viewpoint is a little skewed because you are the main listener and you are in a position pre-defined to disappoint.

Hope you had fun with your kids.

[arabella]

Wise words from Patientandclear! Just chiming in here to send a virtual   You sound like you could use it! (I also second the notion of hiding out for a few minutes when you need a break - I like the bathroom )

[Rockylove]

I'll second the sentiments of patientandclear & arabella!  Sending cyber  !  I'm sure your kiddos are happy that you're sticking up for them

[yeeter]

Thanks all.  Did take the kids to the toy store and my S8 made a selection that we all played with when we got home. 

Wife unit was a bit more mellow when we got back.

A deep breath.  Skipped a soccer session.  And now it will be a hot shower. 

So I'm doing better.  Wll try to fit more down time in this week.  Inlaws will leave mid week which will also help.

I'll live.

Thanks for the space to vent!

[Rockylove]

Thanks for the space to vent!

INDEED yeeter!

[Blazing Star]

    

Feeling you on the inlaws as triggering Yeeter! I know how hard that can be.

Things that helped me:

Writing a list of the days left and crossing them off (childish yes, but felt good!)

Taking hot showers in the dark - i don't know why having the light off works, but it does

Going to bed early (to read, or listen to audiobook or music on my ipod, or just pretend to sleep)

Taking myself out for coffee dates whenever I could - "just popping to the shops for some milk" and take an extra 20mins

Venting - here or with friends, or writing creatively black comedy style about it (you could do a great caricature of your MIL)

Deep breaths

Telling myself it would be over soon

This too shall pass Yeeter. Look after you in the little ways you can.

Love Blazing Star

[Chosen]

Oh yeeter, it must be so difficult for you.  Wife, children, in-laws... .  like what Blazing Star said, perhaps some little things can help take your pressure off a bit (if not physically then at least less stressed emotionally).  And yes, come here and vent!  We understand, even if nobody else out there in the real world does.  Just this thought has kept me going in my dark days... .  you are not alone!