Feeling really low today

[PM10]

In the grand scheme of things, I know this is not a big deal, but I had to deactivate my Facebook account yesterday.  I know everyone here is dealing with much bigger issues than that (and I am too!), but the Facebook deactivation was a huge thing for me.

I stopped contact with him a little over 2 months ago.  I had to get the police involved to get him to leave me alone.  They told him if he contacted me again, he would be arrested.  So he did once, maybe a month ago?  He made up a fake Facebook account and sent me a message, asking me not to get him arrested, but that he was glad I was doing well.  Whatever.

So then, on the fake account, he kept changing the name, even using his real name, and he liked every picture and post that I was in on public pages.  Then he started posting messages in a page for a group that we are both in.  He told everyone there to check out his timeline, that he had some quotes from some plays he wrote that he wanted feedback on.  The "quotes" were messages to me.  He still loved me.  He didn't know if we were truly over, should he wait for me, stuff like that.  Then he just kept posting stupid message after message in the group.  I felt it would do no good to block him.  He would just do it again, make up a fake profile.  So I deactivated my account.  I am just a mess about all of this!

First of all, any kind of contact upsets me.  I am upset that he drove me off of Facebook.  I am 45 years old, but feel like a little kid.  Why does HE get to be on Facebook, but I don't!

I feel very disconnected.  That is how I kept up with everybody.  That is how I kept up with Theatre, and auditions. 

Also, friends who thought he had stopped contacting me now know otherwise, and are not taking to me. 

I just feel so down and horrible today.  Thanks for listening.

[Nearlybroken]

I am 40 years old and my relationship with BPD partner makes me feel like I am living the life of a 15 year old!I was friends with my partner and had to defriend him as I was sick of him being "normal" to everyone else yet totally ignoring me on FB.Then I got angry at myself for caring.That's the thing about living with BPD... . it makes you think you are crazy and makes you feel like a child.But believe me you are not alone.You probably just feel like you are.I know I do.

[recoil]

I'm sorry you are feeling low.  I did want to comment on your strength though.  It takes great strength to deactivate your FB account to walk away from his non-sense.  You obviously care about yourself.  That is to be commended.

[TippyTwo]

These lil blips backwards are annoying. Thankfully, if we stay the course, they are short lived.

I don't know much about facebook but I do remember people saying they made their page private, accessible to only select people. These seemed to stop the stalking type behavior. Something to look into maybe.

[PM10]

Thank you for your responses.  Thank you recoil for saying I had strength.  I didn't think about it that way.  It helped me to hear that, so thank you!

Mcauleyan, thanks for your advise.  I did have my page and settings private, but my problem was his making up new profiles (to get around my blocking him) and commenting on pages to groups where we were both members.  I would block one, he would set up another. 

I could have just left those groups, but there will ALWAYS be a way for him to get to me because there are pictures of me that are public because theater groups will use them to promote the shows I am in. He can "like" them, or comment on them, and it's not on my page.  So it seemed that going off of Facebook completely was the only thing to do. 

[benny2]

Yes you have much strength as I am struggling to block mine from my phone. Send me some of your strength, Please.

[patientandclear]

PM10, I want to second the comments about your strength.  I remember your story from a ways back, back when you felt an incredible pull to actually make a life with this man despite his abusive behavior.  You're a long ways from where you were.  Managing this part isn't easy but you've committed to your own well-being and you've chosen not to pursue a life with someone who's willing to threaten and bully you to get what he (sometimes) wanted from you.  You're doing great.  Very impressed.