Please don't run me out on a rail, but...

[coasterhusband]

OK, please understand the following question is a real, honest question. I'm not some sort of non-evolved male, and I wouldn't be asking if I wasn't really looking for an honest answer. Here it goes:

Can a uBPDw woman's period/PMS cause an uptick in emotionally charged BPD responses and actions?

It's been getting worse for the last year or so... . each month has gotten more intense and more instable emotionally. Her BPD "symptoms" have gotten worse too. I thought it was just me, but last month she mentioned, totally unprompted, that her PMS symptoms and aggressions (my word) were out of control lately.

I assume PMS can trigger BPD symptoms, but some verification would be nice

And if so, how do you deal with that period of time? You can't ignore her issues, and you certainly can't point out that she may be more amped up because of timing. But maybe there's a more specific way(s) to de-escalate?

Again, I'm asking a serious question based on a year's worth of data. I'm not a male jack___, I'm just a sufferer!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[123Phoebe]

Coasterhusband, I feel for ya... .

Can a uBPDw woman's period/PMS cause an uptick in emotionally charged BPD responses and actions?

YES!  What age is your wife?

I don't have BPD (I don't think ) and I'm a woman, mid 40's.   My periods have always been a little whack, conjuring up all kinds of emotions during that time.  I'm all over the place emotionally!  I have great awareness of it, but it doesn't mean some things still won't set me off and running (in my mind)... .   Can't even imagine how hard it must be for a BPD sufferer to handle.

It's good that she has some awareness of her symptoms during that time.  Maybe validate that it must be hard feeling out of control like that, when she brings it up again.  And ask if there's anything you can do to help; maybe pick up some of the slack, get her some Hershey kisses and potato chips

It might be a good idea to ask her if she's maybe needing a little space?  I know I need a lot of it during that time, like leave me the hell alone!

Or maybe it's you who needs to get some space during that time?

The most important thing, is to not make things worse.  It's a super vulnerable time for me, I'm more sensitive than usual and your wife might be, too.

I think it's sweet that you're aware and you care; you're wife probably will too if she feels like you genuinely care about what's going on inside of her... .

Good luck and tread carefully... .

[Grey Kitty]

Yes, my wife had more BPD type symptoms/outbursts at "that time of the month"

In addition, there were years where she was on birth control pills, and was subject to what we called depression a LOT more during those times.

I would also note that my wife is in the menopausal range now... . and her BPD symptoms got worse at that time. And since her cycle became irregular, it often blindsided both of us.

In my case, she often didn't notice she was getting the symptoms until after I did. I sometimes comment on other physical symptoms that show up and asked her if it is possible that she is going through a cycle. I don't try this when she's already dysregulated

Just knowing when to give her space for a couple days, and be on best behavior should help.

[bruceli]

YES for me too... . Look into PMDD also... . DW had a full hysterectomy and it is HIGHLY noticeable when she is not on her replacement regime.

[waverider]

Yes its a trigger like anything else. Luckily the tools for dealing with BPD are helpful for dealing with menopause emotional issues too.

[Bloomer]

I'm not BPD, my H is uBPD. Just before and during my cycles my emotions are all over the place. It's like my hormones are throwing a party. I go from being angry to crying to exhausted. Needless to say, I don't do a very good job of validating or boundary enforcement during these times and a few weeks ago it magnified his dysregulations. I usually end up just wanting a hug from my husband bc really I feel terrible between my emotions and the physical pain of cramps. So, if space doesn't work, perhaps just give her a hug.

I hope something works. I know it's a tough thing to navigate. 

P.S. I most recently nicknamed my uterus the ":)eath Star" after it took over my brain a few weeks ago 

B.

[jollygreen]

Two things, in a relationship the phases of BPD get worse over time. And two, yes my exBPD would be all over the place emotion wise during her monthly cycle. She would either be super depressed one month and needing me, or be super angry and snapping at me. Ultimately she split me black and broke up during a cycle with a bunch of other triggers added into the mix.

[Wrongturn1]

Yes, Coaster, others have discussed this phenomenon here before.  During PMS (and at other times depending on the person), BPD can turn into "BPD on steroids" so to speak.  This can actually be helpful if you pay attention to her cycle as you can predict which times of the month she will need more space than usual.