I am almost overwhelmed with worry over my daughter but BP mom won't shut up

[Our abuse recovery guide]

My daughter is having major surgery tomorrow. My BP mother is well aware. She asked this morning if I have spoken to her. I had.  Immediately she launched into her list of today's resentments, grudges and general pissyness.  GOOD GRIEF.

Here is the list (just from this morning)

1. My brother hasn't visited lately (The guy is stupid busy right now).

2. Her friend expect her to keep up with her but mom is 20 yrs. old (The friend doesn't).

3. No one from a long dead neighbor's family ever calls her. (They are also dead or extremely elderly)

4. She tried to move a table from one end of her house to the other (She has degenerative disk disease and knows this will cause her major problems).

5. A radio show she listens to talks too much about politics (The government shut down, people are talking about it.)

My nerves are shot and I am near tears with worry but I had to spend time listening to her crap. WHY?

THIS WOMAN IS TONY SOPRANOS MOTHER TO A "T".

[nevermore]

My daughter is having major surgery tomorrow. My BP mother is well aware. She asked this morning if I have spoken to her. I had.  Immediately she launched into her list of today's resentments, grudges and general pissyness.  GOOD GRIEF.

Here is the list (just from this morning)

1. My brother hasn't visited lately (The guy is stupid busy right now).

2. Her friend expect her to keep up with her but mom is 20 yrs. old (The friend doesn't).

3. No one from a long dead neighbor's family ever calls her. (They are also dead or extremely elderly)

4. She tried to move a table from one end of her house to the other (She has degenerative disk disease and knows this will cause her major problems).

5. A radio show she listens to talks too much about politics (The government shut down, people are talking about it.)

My nerves are shot and I am near tears with worry but I had to spend time listening to her crap. WHY?

THIS WOMAN IS TONY SOPRANOS MOTHER TO A "T".

[DreamGirl]

I'm sorry to hear that your daughter has to have surgery. Lots of healing power coming your way.    

So when I'm stressed out... .dealing with someone so needy wouldn't be very healthy for me.

Do you usually talk to your mom daily?

[nevermore]

Yes I do talk to her daily. I was no contact for three years, the best years of my life but I live near her now and I call her or she calls me each morning. She is very old and I worry that she will have a problem and so I call to check on her.  She is the most negative human being ever and always has been.  Today... .I just can't deal with it.  The selfishness and entitlement just blow my mind.

[nevermore]

Normally I can keep myself in check and let everything she says and does roll off. When I am already enormously stressed she can still get to me. I guess we never stop thinking they will act like a real mother during times when you need them the most.  Never ever ever going to happen.  :'(

[zone out]

Nevermore

Best wishes to your daughter for a speedy recovery. 

I too phone my mother to check she is ok every day - probably best if you just hear her voice, then interject immediately that you are rushing out to the hospital to visit your daughter etc and have to go.  That way you will know that she is still in the land of the living but she will not have the opportunity to act up.  Ringing doorbells, barking dogs - whatever it takes to end calls quickly.  You are under enough stress.

Zone out

[GeekyGirl]

nevermore,

Good luck to your daughter--I hope she feels better soon. 

When I am already enormously stressed she can still get to me. I guess we never stop thinking they will act like a real mother during times when you need them the most.  Never ever ever going to happen.  :'(

I know what you mean. It doesn't make sense sometimes, does it? Even as adults, sometimes we want that unconditional love that most parents show their children.

zone out has a good point: do you think your mother would be ok with keeping the calls short? Maybe you could set a limit at the beginning of the call. I've done that with my mother with some success: "Mom, I know we need to talk, but right now we can only talk for 5 minutes." I've found that not giving a reason, but reaffirming that limit, has worked best.

Take care of yourself and your daughter. 

[nevermore]

Our daughter came through surgery just fine this morning. I am so happy and relieved.  Unfortunately she lives far away so I can't go see her for a while. Mom continues her negative rant but all that matters to me right now is our daughter is on the road to recovery.

[zone out]

Great news Nevermore - and Skype is a wonderful thing when the family have moved far away!

Best wishes

Zone out