Achievements Just experienced a month of revelation and acceptance

[MeandThee29]

Yesterday I saw my counsellor. I go to a local faith-based ministry in a church. The counsellor I saw specializes in women in abusive situations.

We talked through the whole picture in summary, and we decided to go to monthly appointments. January was a month of revelation and acceptance for me.

I feel very good about this. I'm also in an online support group for women in narcissistic relationships that has been very helpful. I'm in a book club there.

Earlier my youngest did the same with her therapist. She is also doing so very much better and actually did a speech for a college class about her own journey. I was so proud of her.

Naturally there will be the challenges, but we're in a good place.

Anyway, I just wanted to share. It is possible.

[heartandwhole]

Hi MeandThee29,

This is great news! I'm happy for you. 

Tell us about January: you said it was a month of revelation and acceptance. If you don't mind sharing some details, I'd love to hear more. What was the most revelatory for you?  What helped you the  most to find acceptance?

heartandwhole

[MeandThee29]

My lessons after yet a major crisis. This one was a turning point though. It took me most of the month to work through.

- If they hold you in contempt, nothing will change unless that viewpoint changes. They're always going to find something wrong with you.
- If they want you to meet certain impossible or unfair criteria for reconciliation, refuse.
- If they want you to reconcile without outside help and refuse counselling themselves, it's not at all good.
- Don't assume that they've had a change of heart from a few positive emails or conversations. BPD runs DEEP.
- When they finally give up on reconciliation, they're going to have to come up with an excuse if they come from a background where people don't do that. It doesn't have to make sense; it just has to make them look good.
- If they are getting "supply" from other people, they're going to do anything to maintain that. If those people aren't talking the non-BPD partner, be aware that they're being told a different story.

For me, I accepted where I am. Whatever loss and changes I experience, I am still worthy and of value. If it took all of that to get me here, it was worth it.

[gotbushels]

Hi MeandThee29   

- If they want you to reconcile without outside help and refuse counselling themselves, it's not at all good.

Yes, sometimes a person calls out sticks in peoples' eyes, not seeing the plank in their own. 

- If they are getting "supply" from other people, they're going to do anything to maintain that. ... .

Yes, some people like to get supply of things like justification, validation, a sense of security. With a pwBPD, we are sometimes shown that people can take whole personalities; e.g., identity adoption and compulsive socialising. Many people are in positions that they see no other way but to exert huge efforts to maintain that--no matter how that may look to others.

For me, I accepted where I am. Whatever loss and changes I experience, I am still worthy and of value. If it took all of that to get me here, it was worth it.

Yes, MeandThee29--and your worth will always be accepted by someone, even regardless of where you are. Yes, everyone has worth, in spite of the losses of relationships and possessions, in spite of the changes that are unpleasant. When you underwent suffering, then yes, we can sometimes reap valuable rewards--as you've done. 

Thank you for sharing and have a pleasant weekend.

[Bo123]

Meandtgee29--You were right one in your second post.  It's fantastic that you are learning about all the right things, while still difficult, when things start to make sense, the healing quickens.  You are on the right path, congratulations and keep up the good work!