Haven't posted here in a while, won't do after this one either for reasons the moderators know. Just out of hiding once. That'll do.
Does it get better?No
Does it change?Yes. The wound of the fallen relationship in this style is something you will keep forever with you. It might not be a gaping wound but it will definitely be one you will keep and carry with you for all eternity. Is that a problem? No, it's part of life. Misery, despair and broken hearts are as part of life as joy, loving sex and everything around it. You can't have one without having experienced the other.
My advice? Look at yourself. Whatever he/she might have done, take a good look at the mirror and see where you participated in this dance. I have made zillions of mistake in my relationship with my ex. One is participating in the dance willingly. I admit that. When something breaks, it's always the fault of the both of you. I did a brief read through on the topics in L3 and I notice that the majority keeps analyzing the patterns of their exes and how batsh!t crazy they are/were. The 'OMG'-s and the 'so crazy' and ' ' are seen everywhere. As I can understand that everyone processes these on different levels I would call L3, Leaving; How to drown in self-pity., I'm sure a bunch of users here suffer from a very nice mixed cocktail of personality disorders their selves which doesn't necessarily have to be BPD but can be a nice other variety. I have seen users come and go, and still see a few, who, i'm sorry for saying, have their heads up their asses so big and deep, that I truly do wonder if they actually want to move on, that they do want to get better ?. Life changes, good things never last. They really don't. Love changes 2.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Look at your own life. I did, I found out parts which weren't very nice, I had to work on that.
Stop analyzing the other half, that doesn't exist anymore. Do you truly want to move on?
Can you be friends? Of course you can. Always consider it, you shared complete intimate moments with each other, those thoughts don't go away. But do it on your own pace and be honest. You want? Tell, you don't? Tell it 2.
Do you have to go No Contact? No of course not, you don't have to. Make the choice for yourself, but rationalize that choice and go for it.
Have a different place for emotional venting besides this forum
You should really wonder, what the point is of analyzing their behavior, and why they do something.
If they truly have Borderline (although the majority here is undiagnosed), they are not doing the pain consciously. They are no psychopaths. They, they hurt with conscious and are fully aware of what they do. Borderliners are not. Whoever had the BPD, you or him or the both of you. A fully sane person doesn't get clinged into a BPD relationship as we did.
As for that specific moderator, you know I truly disagree with your standards and I truly hope you will get less stubborn.
How do I cope? Shock therapy, re-build certain triggers in your life. Shrink, made new friends, traveled and listen to a heck load of Alan Watts.
help videos
www.youtube.com/watch?v=wU0PYcCsL6owww.youtube.com/watch?v=mMRrCYPxD0Iwww.youtube.com/watch?v=-xCFoJ0aywcwww.youtube.com/watch?v=Hu5oaty0uJMAnd be honest to yourself. I know I wasn't always honest to myself or to others. I regret that dearly. Also for the pain I caused to my ex which I wish I didn't. Life doesn't get better. Life will change. You only live once. One of the good things of borderliners is that they are not attached to the past. Something we could learn.
Oh, and I know you are reading this. It will be my last post here
. We will get in contact soon. And I won't post here again. Don't worry.
