He's Setting Me Up To Fail

[NoSocks]

Just wanted to share today.  Over the course of the last few days (4 or 5) my husband has been completely different for the better. When ever this happens, when this looks too good to be true, my antenna goes up and I am on alert, even more than usual. I have let things ride as my energy levels are fairly low right now. But this morning things were beginning to piece together in my head as to why he's being so different. I won't give the details of the story as they're are too many to bore you with. But I can say that anytime my instincts tell me that he's probably lying they are usually right, not always but on average I can rely on them. I find this soo disheartening and exhausting. His paranoia and other negative behaviors are driving me over the bend. He records me with hidden recorders, his phone. Right now he for some reason he doesn't want me going away on my own next week for an over night stay at my aunt and uncle's place that's 5 hours away. Which he doesn't usually care about. It's all just so exhausting when your trying to grip on to really and your knuckles are white.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[sjm7411]

I know exactly what you mean about having your antannae up when things are going well.  Just waiting for the next episode... . it's exhausting.

[bruceli]

I hate this feeling... . Waiting for the next shoe to fall... . Give me more anxiety than the bad behavior.

[Grey Kitty]

Trust your instincts / feelings.

You get fed a diet of messed up emotional garbage for long enough and you start to wonder if that is "right" and what you are feeling and thinking is "wrong". If you trust yourself, you will be less willing to play along with the trippy mind-games you are being invited to play.

[Chosen]

We're been "tricked" so many times by the "good times" that we always wait for it to take a turn for the worse.  It sucks the joy out of anything positive, and that's no way to live.  BUT, it is natural to feel that way.  After all, we have been trained- every time something good happens, bad stuff follows.

This is why "living in the moment" is very important and we have to be mindful of our own emotions, not being led by out pwBPDs.  When things are good, we enjoy them and don't think of what will come next.  When things are bad, we take it one day (or hour) at a time and don't think about when it will stop. 

pwBPDs change very quickly; they are extremely emotional and they act purely on emotions sometimes.  In order not to be in their dysfunctional dance, we must maintain our own emotional health and not be dragged into their emotional mess. 

[NoSocks]

Hi guys. I'm really gonna try and rise above what he does. And be as consistent as I can be. I'm really going to put my effort into my life and not be so enmeshed in his. It just doesn't work. Thank you.

[united for now]

Chosen has spoken well 

Can you examine what prevents you from taking care of yourself?