I thnk my father may have BPD

[Our abuse recovery guide]

The last and probably the last fight with my father was for not telling him I'm selling the oceanfront condo that I've owned for 15 years. He called me up screaming and before I could explain anything, he hung up on me. I'm keeping it on the down-low because I don't want my BPD ex know that I'll have plenty of money to fight the good fight when it comes time to do the divorce: the main reason I'm holding off. The fact the DCF is investigating me for roughhousing that some half-witted Dr. added up to abuse gives me every good reason to be paranoid. He was pissed because he found out from the AC guy we both use: I didn't think he'd be working on my father's AC so soon. The last argument was last week when I told him not to talk about her (namely her pictures on Facebook that I don't even want to know about) and he blew a gasket and said I was accusing him and he wanted to confront her for starting it. I don't know what part of "let me handle it" he couldn't understand.

Another reason I withhold all details is because I saw how he handled my stepsister's divorce. He not only doled out thousands of dollars to support her legal battle, he crucified me and my sister for not being there for him because of what he was going through. He continues to bash her son's father right in front of him, sometimes to him. He caused most of the complications in the divorce because he thrives on confrontation. He spent God only knows how much but he had a tantrum when I asked to borrow his truck for a couple hours; I blew him off and rented a car because he wanted to  drag me to do something for a friend even though he could have taken my car. 

He's always complaining that we never do anything "as a family" and that everyone just ignores him. He likes to tell us how our dimwitted 33 year old stepsister and his girlfriend who won't seek a better job other than night time CNA are so much better than me and my sister. Of course they are, because he's been their meal ticket for years and years. We haven't asked for or received any kind of help (we don't even bother asking any more) but we're the lousy kids who are going to be erased from his will for the 27th time. He recently complained to her how much he hates his life and how much he had to sacrifice for "us kids" who don't even appreciate him. Even though he had plety of time to make every race weekend and get drunk at the yacht club he was a member of. He takes no interest in our kids  unless he's complaining that we don't bring them over to his house so he can see them (or listen to his yelling, cursing, n-word this, n-word that, or worry about getting hit with a stray bullet on the way in from improperly handling a firearm that he so desperately needs though I haven't seen him shoot in my 38 year lifetime). If any of his foul language was repeated with my son, I'd really be in hot water if someone decided to turn the matter over to DCF.

I'm numb to his antics fro growing up with that and I've had to re-train myself from being one to seek tit-for-tat in every personal confrontation. There are a lot of friends that I never had growing up, even now from being wired into his warped way of thinking. I was taught to hit and call names right back. I spent a lot of years grounded for getting bad grades even though I had ADHD. I even remember being put out on the front porch as a toddler with a suitcase for crying about going to bed. I'll always have the regret of losing touch with family; following suit when he condemned both his and my mother's family after she died because he wanted to make it all about him. When that was going on I had to play referee between him and my sister because she was in her young teen years at the tie and he played the "poor grieving husband" thing to the hilt. In the end, he sued the radiology company that had caught my mother's cancer a little too late and bought a nice house for himself and his girlfriend with the proceeds. My grandfather has been dead for a few years now, but he still condemns him for "turning his back on us" even though he's doing the exact same thing with his own grandchildren.

I may or may not even talk to him again. That wan't the first time he's called me screaming and yelling and hanging up on me. Even his girlfriend said she's had enough and is looking for a place. One borderline (or whatever the heck is wrong with him) is enough. I just had to vent and hopefully find out I'm not alone here.

[lockedout]

The last and probably the last fight with my father was for not telling him I'm selling the oceanfront condo that I've owned for 15 years. He called me up screaming and before I could explain anything, he hung up on me. I'm keeping it on the down-low because I don't want my BPD ex know that I'll have plenty of money to fight the good fight when it comes time to do the divorce: the main reason I'm holding off. The fact the DCF is investigating me for roughhousing that some half-witted Dr. added up to abuse gives me every good reason to be paranoid. He was pissed because he found out from the AC guy we both use: I didn't think he'd be working on my father's AC so soon. The last argument was last week when I told him not to talk about her (namely her pictures on Facebook that I don't even want to know about) and he blew a gasket and said I was accusing him and he wanted to confront her for starting it. I don't know what part of "let me handle it" he couldn't understand.

Another reason I withhold all details is because I saw how he handled my stepsister's divorce. He not only doled out thousands of dollars to support her legal battle, he crucified me and my sister for not being there for him because of what he was going through. He continues to bash her son's father right in front of him, sometimes to him. He caused most of the complications in the divorce because he thrives on confrontation. He spent God only knows how much but he had a tantrum when I asked to borrow his truck for a couple hours; I blew him off and rented a car because he wanted to  drag me to do something for a friend even though he could have taken my car. 

He's always complaining that we never do anything "as a family" and that everyone just ignores him. He likes to tell us how our dimwitted 33 year old stepsister and his girlfriend who won't seek a better job other than night time CNA are so much better than me and my sister. Of course they are, because he's been their meal ticket for years and years. We haven't asked for or received any kind of help (we don't even bother asking any more) but we're the lousy kids who are going to be erased from his will for the 27th time. He recently complained to her how much he hates his life and how much he had to sacrifice for "us kids" who don't even appreciate him. Even though he had plety of time to make every race weekend and get drunk at the yacht club he was a member of. He takes no interest in our kids  unless he's complaining that we don't bring them over to his house so he can see them (or listen to his yelling, cursing, n-word this, n-word that, or worry about getting hit with a stray bullet on the way in from improperly handling a firearm that he so desperately needs though I haven't seen him shoot in my 38 year lifetime). If any of his foul language was repeated with my son, I'd really be in hot water if someone decided to turn the matter over to DCF.

I'm numb to his antics fro growing up with that and I've had to re-train myself from being one to seek tit-for-tat in every personal confrontation. There are a lot of friends that I never had growing up, even now from being wired into his warped way of thinking. I was taught to hit and call names right back. I spent a lot of years grounded for getting bad grades even though I had ADHD. I even remember being put out on the front porch as a toddler with a suitcase for crying about going to bed. I'll always have the regret of losing touch with family; following suit when he condemned both his and my mother's family after she died because he wanted to make it all about him. When that was going on I had to play referee between him and my sister because she was in her young teen years at the tie and he played the "poor grieving husband" thing to the hilt. In the end, he sued the radiology company that had caught my mother's cancer a little too late and bought a nice house for himself and his girlfriend with the proceeds. My grandfather has been dead for a few years now, but he still condemns him for "turning his back on us" even though he's doing the exact same thing with his own grandchildren.

I may or may not even talk to him again. That wan't the first time he's called me screaming and yelling and hanging up on me. Even his girlfriend said she's had enough and is looking for a place. One borderline (or whatever the heck is wrong with him) is enough. I just had to vent and hopefully find out I'm not alone here.

[GeekyGirl]

Hi lockedout,

At the very least, your father's shown some concerning behavior and I can see why you'd be frustrated. From what you've said, it looks like he's shown some signs of anger management issues for all your life.

Going with the assumption that your father is an undiagnosed person with BPD, how would that change your relationship with him? No one wants to be screamed and yelled at, so it makes sense that you'd be angry with the way he has treated you.

You're definitely not alone. I think you'll find many similar stories here, so I encourage you to look around, check out the lessons, and connect with others who have also grown up with parents with BPD.

-GG

[lockedout]

It wouldn't change anything: I'm not going to put up with it and he goes even more ballistic at any mention of him being even a part of the problem. According to him everyone else is either stupid, uncaring, selfish, a snake, etc, etc.

Realizing that he may BPD makes me wonder if I'm drawn to people like this; thinking I need to be criticized and made to believe that I'm the person at fault for everything.