PD's and forgetfulness...

[bruceli]

Selective memory I know, but does the memory of your pwPD get worse when they are stressed more?  Mine seems to be, just wondering... .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Chosen]

bruceli,

I don't think pwBPDs have poor memory at all.  If so, how can you explain the fact that they would keep using a conversation/ event from ages ago to attack you?  And how they never seem to be able to let of the negative things?

I think they have selected memories, and also they "choose" the way they want to remember things, remembering to their own advantage.  Maybe not intentionally, but that's the way their brains are wired.

[danley]

I agree with selective memory. If the subject is something that struck a negative cord, they will remember it for life. Sometimes I'd say something about something and he'd fully agree and I thought he was present. But days later he'd bring the something up as if it were fresh off the presses. I'd have to remind him that I mentioned it before and he'd say he didn't remember. Then days later he'd come to me and say NOW I REMEMBER. 

I have a good memory. I listen to details. And when we talk or have a disagreement I'd tell him word for words what he had said before. He'd look at me and say he didn't remember.  But oddly he always believed me when I pointed it out as he has said my memory and attention to detail amazed him. When I used to tell him that I had plans in advance he'd say OK and ask about the details. But the day of or days after my plans, he'd act like he was surprised and like he didn't know. His response was that he forgot. But in these cases, I had the feeling that when I had good things going he'd pretend not to remember because he didn't wanna hear about it. Jealousy Maybe? Idk.

He was forgetful in all aspects of his life. Forgetting to pay bills, or forgetting when his kids hadwhich school activities, appointment, etc. But this I feel could also be that he didn't use his time wisely, procrastinated plenty, and ultimately didn't like to have responsibilities.

Idk if forgetfulness is a symptom of BPD. In my ex's case it could be he's getting older. Then again, stereotypically men seem to be forgetful in general. No offense men:)

[Rockylove]

Selective memory I know, but does the memory of your pwPD get worse when they are stressed more?  Mine seems to be, just wondering... .

yes!  When my fiance is stressed, he's all over the place and can't seem to stay focused and remembering even the most routine things are lost in the whirl wind of his thoughts.  That's when I have to be the most patient because he relies on me to be his memory and I'll not be held responsible if he forgets to pay his cell phone bill and it gets cut off and he misses a call for a job interview  

[waverider]

My partner has perfectly functional memory modules, it just when they are reconstructed later they can be reassembled in a different way they were first constructed.

They cant very easily block stuff in the moment, but it is only blocked, not forgotten

[Cloudy Days]

My husband has a terrible memory, When he's stressed out it is even worse. I will have an entire conversation with him about something in the future and then a few weeks later I will remind him of it and he will flip out on me saying I didn't tell him  . I write everything down now on a calendar. He will also remember with great detail if someone did something to him that he didn't like. It seems like all his memories are bad ones that he's holding onto. I think when they have stress it's much harder for them to focus on things they need to remember. My husband is defiantly worse when he's stressed.

[bruceli]

I agree with selective memory. If the subject is something that struck a negative cord, they will remember it for life. Sometimes I'd say something about something and he'd fully agree and I thought he was present. But days later he'd bring the something up as if it were fresh off the presses. I'd have to remind him that I mentioned it before and he'd say he didn't remember. Then days later he'd come to me and say NOW I REMEMBER. 

I have a good memory. I listen to details. And when we talk or have a disagreement I'd tell him word for words what he had said before. He'd look at me and say he didn't remember.  But oddly he always believed me when I pointed it out as he has said my memory and attention to detail amazed him. When I used to tell him that I had plans in advance he'd say OK and ask about the details. But the day of or days after my plans, he'd act like he was surprised and like he didn't know. His response was that he forgot. But in these cases, I had the feeling that when I had good things going he'd pretend not to remember because he didn't wanna hear about it. Jealousy Maybe? Idk.

He was forgetful in all aspects of his life. Forgetting to pay bills, or forgetting when his kids hadwhich school activities, appointment, etc. But this I feel could also be that he didn't use his time wisely, procrastinated plenty, and ultimately didn't like to have responsibilities.

Idk if forgetfulness is a symptom of BPD. In my ex's case it could be he's getting older. Then again, stereotypically men seem to be forgetful in general. No offense men:)

DW is this way too so atleast for me I have a hard time going along with the just a male thing... .