What does it take for them to get help?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I am currently separated from the BPD mother of my children. She is already off in another relationship. I have managed to get our two children and at least for now have full custody. I know that her little fantasy she is living is going to implode at some point in the future and I do not think she will do anything constructive until she splits and paints the new BF black.

I am working on myself in therapy and getting sober. She will have no parenting time until she cooperates with the current order of the judge in our custody case.

Can I be certain she will attempt to recycle?

Is the possibility of not seeing her kids enough incentive for her to desire to make changes?

[papawapa]

I am currently separated from the BPD mother of my children. She is already off in another relationship. I have managed to get our two children and at least for now have full custody. I know that her little fantasy she is living is going to implode at some point in the future and I do not think she will do anything constructive until she splits and paints the new BF black.

I am working on myself in therapy and getting sober. She will have no parenting time until she cooperates with the current order of the judge in our custody case.

Can I be certain she will attempt to recycle?

Is the possibility of not seeing her kids enough incentive for her to desire to make changes?

[grad]

I am currently separated from the BPD mother of my children. She is already off in another relationship. I have managed to get our two children and at least for now have full custody. I know that her little fantasy she is living is going to implode at some point in the future and I do not think she will do anything constructive until she splits and paints the new BF black.

I am working on myself in therapy and getting sober. She will have no parenting time until she cooperates with the current order of the judge in our custody case.

Can I be certain she will attempt to recycle?

Is the possibility of not seeing her kids enough incentive for her to desire to make changes?

I read through some of your earlier posts and it's a very sad story.  Well she left you to start dating one of her daughter's ex boyfriends, my guess is he's half her age.  She's definitely not thinking clearly, doesn't care about her children, and wants to revisit her youth.  At this point you should probably be thinking of what is best for you and your children and that is to move on and hope to keep her as far away as possible.  To continue to expose the other children to this drama would be a disaster.  The fact that you're even considering reconciliation through all this, probably against the advice of everyone you know... . think about your kids for a second.  Would they ever respect you again?  My guess is she knows she had you completely wrapped around her finger and wanted to make any future untouchable for you ever again... . she's out to inflict pain in the worst way possible not only for you but with her own daughter as well

[Clearmind]

A Borderline needs to hit rock bottom before receiving help. She has a new saviour now in this new relationship. It’s unlikely she will seek therapy right now.

Whats the reason for the question papa? Is it a custody question?

[papawapa]

I am having a really hard time letting go of her. Yes, everyone is telling me to go. I am certain that I can retain custody of the kids. I still have hope that she will get help and we can have our family back. My family is the most valuable thing in the world to me.


The new BF is actually closer to our age than her daughter. He is everything that she ever had a complaint about me. He has no job (is a convicted felon), they are living in his mom's basement, he has no car, no money, and no future. The only thing he is doing is completely caretaking for her, doing her laundry, cleaning up after her, etc. This guy is a complete control freak. He won't let her go anywhere without him. He kept flipping out on her because she was still talking to me. I know her well enough to know that she will not be happy with him for long.

I know for certain that it is only a matter of time until she flips out on him and runs off to another man. My guess is she will try me first unless she makes another back up plan when she switches into her discontent period. And that is my problem, I know she is going to come back to me at some point and it is making it hard to detach myself. I have some hope that once her idealization ends she will want her family back and that when she sees I was right (I laid it out her pattern to her) that she will then be ready to get help for herself.

My fear is that if I detach completely she will come back to us and be ready to get help and I will have closed the door on the only chance I will have to see her get healthy.

[elessar]

My fear is that if I detach completely she will come back to us and be ready to get help and I will have closed the door on the only chance I will have to see her get healthy.

That is my fear too. Once I shut the door, I don't think I can ever open it. There have been people in the past who have hurt me a lot. Once I had emotionally shut them out of my life, I stopped caring for their existence. Even if they passed away I wouldn't feel a thing. Yes, I become that cold. If I completely detach from my ex-uBPDgf, and she ever needs me for anything, even for survival, I might not respond. I don't know if I will.