I go to a CoDA meeting and a woman there knew my ex. She described her as a "Counterdependent". I had never heard the term but it fits like a glove. Coupled with her BPD and my codependency it was quite the (sick) dance!
Here is a exerpt from
www.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060913051538AAcIMeH.
Anyone else have this in their ex?
"Counterdependents
Counterdependents reject and despise authority and often clash with authority figures (parents, boss, the law). Their sense of self-worth and their very self-identity are premised on and derived from (in other words, are dependent on) these acts of bravura and defiance. Counterdependents are fiercely independent, controlling, self-cantered, and aggressive.
These behavior patterns are often the result of a deep-seated fear of intimacy. In an intimate relationship, the counterdependent feels enslaved, ensnared, and captive. Counterdependents are locked into "approach-avoidance repetition complex" cycles. Hesitant approach is followed by avoidance of commitment. They are "lone wolves" and bad team players.
From my book "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited":
"Counterdependence is a reaction formation. The counterdependent dreads his own weaknesses. He seeks to overcome them by projecting an image of omnipotence, omniscience, success, self-sufficiency, and superiority.
Most "classical" (overt) narcissists are counterdependent. Their emotions and needs are buried under "scar tissue" which had formed, coalesced, and hardened during years of one form of abuse or another. Grandiosity, a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and overweening haughtiness usually hide gnawing insecurity and a fluctuating sense of self-worth."
