How do you handle it when you HAVE to have contact?

[gottafixit]

Since my ex-BPD wife and I are both responsible for the upkeep of our family home, I must have contact with her.  I do my best to keep things neutral and let her ramble on and complain about everybody and everything in the world... . she has the toughtest life ever, wah wah wah.  She is able to live in the house with my alimony and not have to work, yet she whines like a baby with colic.  As soon as she starts complaining about our daughter, however, I tell her I'm leving which pisses her off to no end!  Our daughter has tried so hard to please her but, of course, can not. Will she ever get the message that I don't want to hear this garbage?  She blames ME for her terrible relationships with our daughter (an adult, by the way - 27 yrs old) her family, and almost everyone she knows.  She says it is "my job" to tell everyone that everything wrong with her is becasue of how I treated her?

[Bananas]

  gottafixit,

I can rekate to your frustration. 

I have to have contact with my ex because we work together.  I have found the communication lessons on the staying board to be a great help to me.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=69272.0

I am new at this so I am sure some of the senior members will have more to add.  But I am learning that I can't help my ex, (or predict how he will act on any given day) I can only help myself and these tools have been very valuable to my mental health.   

-Bananas

[GreenMango]

Sticking to conversations about the house only could help.  You can't stop her from trying to put her emotional baggage on you but no engaging it will help.

S-We both love out daughter.

E-You have concerns about her.

T-Talk to daughter.  She's an adult.

S-the family home is important.

E-you seem upset

T-I'm willing to talk about the issues with the house.  Other conversations I can't get involved in.

Keep it simple and detached.  Her emotional struggles aren't yours to fix anymore.