advice on second custody evaluation and/or relocation hearing issue

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I like this idea, and I had thought of it before several times.  I have even used that before to get my kids' school changed when the school would not address serial bullying of my kid by one certain kid (when other kids had already moved because of it).  I told the mediator to tell him (and showed mediator) photos kids had taken of their dad web surfing while driving them, and that I was prepared to show the judge the photos if he did not give me what I wanted for the kids' sake.  This happened a few years ago after our divorce. 

You would think that he would remember that those photos are going to come up in these proceedings (and the kids are going to speak for themselves about how scared they are to drive with dad all the time, how they beg him to stop but he laughs at them and keeps doing it), but for whatever reason these PD people seem to have very short term memories for actual facts, but long term ones for jilted emotions. 

Problem is, our hearing is fast approaching.  Perhaps if I do not get relocation, we can approach his counsel for mediation, but I doubt even his counsel wants to do that.  Atty. will lose his cash cow.  I have no contact with ex, and have never communicated with him for 7 years except by text or email.  And if I threaten him with such (I turn you in for child abuse, stalking, etc. to everybody possible) by email, it could backfire. 

I had told my attorney that I wanted to re-file the stalking police report, since the deputy who filed it screwed it up and made the charge misdemeanor stalking of me (adult), when his true target was our then 12 year old (felony in our state).  She stated to not do it, would look like I was vindictive, even though the prosecutor for the state said it might be worth it to pursue felony count rather than subject the kids to a jury trial just for a misdemeanor. 

Also, I now understand that when I called child abuse hotline, that even though in our county the sherrif's dept. is involved and an officer came with the CPI investigator, that was not considered calling the police.  I had no clue, until recently.  So I guess I call still make police reports about the violence he has done to the children on multiple occasions.  (I looked it up, no statute of limitations kicks in until kids turn 16, and kid who is 16 has like a 3 year time limit left.)

  So I still have those two cards, along with reporting him to his peers, his employer, the state board, his insurance carriers, the insurance companies that contract with him for reimbursement, etc.   Of course, then I risk homicide of me and the kids.  Because if I made a threat, I would have to follow through with it, if he did not settle.  I've always thought it came down to that, though.  He choose his job and his reputation, or he give me what the kids needs.

So if I did follow through on the threats, especially the police report ones, then there is a fair chance he might actually have to go through trials (on various misdemeanor and felony counts).  I wouldn't have to hire attorneys since the state prosecutes, but the time and expense, and the thought of basically all 3 of us being his target of revenge... .

All I know is that I trust my dad on this one, and he states don't do something that will most likely jeopardize his job/reputation.  If you do, you and the kids might die.  I cannot help it if someone finds a public record, but if I had to follow through on threats... .

He did succumb to a threat once before though.  And his job is a much bigger risk for him that a judge seeing a photo of him web surfing while driving taken by one of the kids.

I think like you said earlier, Matt, I will just have to take a 'wait and see' approach on whether to mediate/threaten exposure and reporting, until we get past this next hearing and then go from there.  Perhaps we could do it right after the Aug. hearing for attorneys fees and if we are granted fees, and he sees that my fees are going to keep racking up, the combination of the fees and the exposure/reporting of his deeds,  might be worth dumping on him.

[paxfamilia]

I like this idea, and I had thought of it before several times.  I have even used that before to get my kids' school changed when the school would not address serial bullying of my kid by one certain kid (when other kids had already moved because of it).  I told the mediator to tell him (and showed mediator) photos kids had taken of their dad web surfing while driving them, and that I was prepared to show the judge the photos if he did not give me what I wanted for the kids' sake.  This happened a few years ago after our divorce. 

You would think that he would remember that those photos are going to come up in these proceedings (and the kids are going to speak for themselves about how scared they are to drive with dad all the time, how they beg him to stop but he laughs at them and keeps doing it), but for whatever reason these PD people seem to have very short term memories for actual facts, but long term ones for jilted emotions. 

Problem is, our hearing is fast approaching.  Perhaps if I do not get relocation, we can approach his counsel for mediation, but I doubt even his counsel wants to do that.  Atty. will lose his cash cow.  I have no contact with ex, and have never communicated with him for 7 years except by text or email.  And if I threaten him with such (I turn you in for child abuse, stalking, etc. to everybody possible) by email, it could backfire. 

I had told my attorney that I wanted to re-file the stalking police report, since the deputy who filed it screwed it up and made the charge misdemeanor stalking of me (adult), when his true target was our then 12 year old (felony in our state).  She stated to not do it, would look like I was vindictive, even though the prosecutor for the state said it might be worth it to pursue felony count rather than subject the kids to a jury trial just for a misdemeanor. 

Also, I now understand that when I called child abuse hotline, that even though in our county the sherrif's dept. is involved and an officer came with the CPI investigator, that was not considered calling the police.  I had no clue, until recently.  So I guess I call still make police reports about the violence he has done to the children on multiple occasions.  (I looked it up, no statute of limitations kicks in until kids turn 16, and kid who is 16 has like a 3 year time limit left.)

  So I still have those two cards, along with reporting him to his peers, his employer, the state board, his insurance carriers, the insurance companies that contract with him for reimbursement, etc.   Of course, then I risk homicide of me and the kids.  Because if I made a threat, I would have to follow through with it, if he did not settle.  I've always thought it came down to that, though.  He choose his job and his reputation, or he give me what the kids needs.

So if I did follow through on the threats, especially the police report ones, then there is a fair chance he might actually have to go through trials (on various misdemeanor and felony counts).  I wouldn't have to hire attorneys since the state prosecutes, but the time and expense, and the thought of basically all 3 of us being his target of revenge... .

All I know is that I trust my dad on this one, and he states don't do something that will most likely jeopardize his job/reputation.  If you do, you and the kids might die.  I cannot help it if someone finds a public record, but if I had to follow through on threats... .

He did succumb to a threat once before though.  And his job is a much bigger risk for him that a judge seeing a photo of him web surfing while driving taken by one of the kids.

I think like you said earlier, Matt, I will just have to take a 'wait and see' approach on whether to mediate/threaten exposure and reporting, until we get past this next hearing and then go from there.  Perhaps we could do it right after the Aug. hearing for attorneys fees and if we are granted fees, and he sees that my fees are going to keep racking up, the combination of the fees and the exposure/reporting of his deeds,  might be worth dumping on him.