My BPD-traits wife is leaving me

[SeekingHelp2]

I have been with her for five years and married for one. My life has completely unraveled emotionally over the past 2 years. The name calling, negative things she says about me, silent treatments and threats to leave have literally broken me down as a man. I live in constant fear of upsetting her and 'losing' her. I have pushed aside my family, friends and personal interests for her and it has left me very broken. Friends and co-workers say they have seen how much I have changed and I barely remember the old me. The beginning 9-12 months were amazing and I still see glimpses of those times in 2-3 week stretches but they are not consistent. The bad times are always around the corner. With all of that said, actually letting her go seems impossible. I have often wondered if anything could get me to leave. Even after everything she has be believing this is 100% my fault. She probably wants me to fight for her back, but I think I know it is time to let go but it feels like climbing a mountain. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Does this match with anyone else's experience?

[dangoldfool]

seekinghelp2,  I would suggest you get counseling. I was afraid myself to go.   That labeling idea thinking only crazy people need counseling. A good T can help you to get your self esteem up. So you will feel better about yourself. It will make a huge difference in what you will allow. And where you draw the line. I hope the best for you. Keep posting what's going on with you,it helps to share, as there are people who are dealing with the same things you are. Peace

[Lucky Jim]

Hi SH2, Your experiences are quite familiar to me, and probably to most who have been in a r/s with a pwBPD.  Time to move on and start healing.  It's hard, I know, but you have to start somewhere.  Hang in there, Lucky Jim

[TheJamesCaird]

I can only speak for myself but I do know exactly how you feel. I have been through some extremely difficult things in my life. Letting go of my abusive BPD wife is without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever had to do. For me being in a relationship with someone with BPD was like being in a relationship with an emotional meat grinder. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to fix things, work on yourself or make things better. They just keep grinding away. If you stay around long enough they will grind away on you until there is nothing left and move on and find someone else to grind up.

Letting go and actually detaching is extremely hard. The reason it is still hard for me to detach is because I was fully invested in the relationship and making it work. It is hard to let go of someone that you truly loved and have invested everything only to be left with incredible amounts of emotional pain to show for it. I feel like I am forced to let go of my past, present and future all at once. You can’t trust all the good things they said or did for you in the past. You know the present with them is toxic and painful. Yet you can’t see your life without them in your future.