It happened... Help please

[scuba02]

So as i'm sitting at my desk this afternoon I receive an im from my BPDex... . She is now in Australia (were form the states) away from her new bf and obviously lonely... . I closed my computer as quick as I could and walked away... . The pull was so strong however... . Mind you i'm an addict in recovery and the pull was like a drink use to be... . I longed to apologize for my part in the matter... . Which I still feel I need to do to clear my plate... . I now realize and see this is playing out like a book told on this site many times... . It's funny i read a book years back on happiness "stumbling on happiness" and the author talks about how we think were so unique but we're actually not... . Patterns with people always appear... . This proves that theory true with BPD (for the most part)... . What do i do now... . i miss her  but not who she is!

Would her new boyfriend be happy she was contacting me? Does she have any respect for either of us? Three weeks ago she told me never to call her again, that her new man treated her amazing, and that she was done with me forever... . I respected her boundary as always and haven't contacted her since... . What to do?

   

[Clearmind]

OK contact was made - it happens - yes its a pattern scuba however to balance this out you are showing patterns of behaviour too - we all do - its innate.

You respected her boundary? Good! What are your boundaries? What to do? What do you feel in your heart you should do?

Without limits and boundaries our wants/needs are stretched.

[FogLight]

This would be a good time to examine how her contacting you makes you feel and decide whether or not it is good for you.  Be careful about following your heart right now though, it's called "emotional" manipulation for a reason.  You may want to consider blocking all forms of contact from her unless you have to maintain communication for kids or financial reasons or something.

Closing your computer and walking away is a pretty good sign that you're strong enough to beat this addiction.

[Trick1004]

Scuba,

I say do nothing. I was going to say read some threads from several months ago and see how it played out for those people dealing with their exBPD, but it looks like you already recognize the pattern.

When I got home from work on Monday there was an email from my ex waiting for me after about 10 days of NC. It was just a simple "hey how are you doing?". I spent a couple of minutes thinking about it and ended up just deleting it with no response. That was the best she could come up with after the hell she put me through, not even worth responding to.

Thanks to the help of this board, I knew what to do and I think you do too.