Disorganized Attachment and Affective Regulation: How BPD Mothers Affect Kids

[mil2bpd]

I read the article entitled How BPD Mothers Affect Their Children but I'm afraid there's psychological terminology in there I'm not grasping. Disorganized attachment? Affective regulation? Externalizing behaviors? I'm at a loss here. Can anyone help me out with understanding?  I feel like I need a Cliff Notes (for those of my generation) to get me through the article. I'd like to comprehend and absorb it in its entirety.

[Clearmind]

mil, my understanding of disorganized attachment is a lack of clear attachment style which can be confusing for a child. For me, I took on a parental role regarding my BPD father. I also certainly became avoidant as a coping tool (albiet maladaptive) as a direct result of an emotionally erratic childhood. My attachment style to others was often skewed.

Externalizing behaviors - direct outward at others rather than internalizing - as a result of coping with life pressures e.g physical agression, arguing, demanding etc - poor coping skills.

Affective regulation - not sure - what does the book say? Not sure of its context - I'm thinking emotional regulation however I could be wrong.

[mil2bpd]

thanks, clearmind. Your explanations do help to illustrate and explain.  I  got all this from the article How a Mother with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Affects Her Children and googled Affective Regulation to find this: the temper and regulation of our minds. So fitting these descriptions into the article makes perfect sense.

It was interesting... . as I'd been researching NPD/BPD in the past due to friendships I'd had with some others who had been demonstrating some characteristics, I was able to identify some patterns of Waif Borderline in my own mother and how her parenting style had impacted me. So now when I'm reading about my concerns for my grandson with these related issues coming up in articles and in the boards,  other areas that touched upon my own upbringing are re-surfacing. And makes me curious if the dynamics had in any way set off the attraction my DS felt toward his uBPD wife from whom he's now separated -- was there some spark of familiarity, I wonder? Although she did keep that part of her hidden and dormant for so long... . but I suppose that's for another thread... .

[Clearmind]

My father is likley to be BPD - I chose BPD partners - it was all very familar and I somewhat normalized my relationships because I grew up in such a chaotic environment. It has taken me quite some time to relinquish some of my own childhood conditioning to then recognize dysfunction and not choose BPD partners.

Certainly the healing board is a great place for you to process your own Mom mil.

[mil2bpd]

Certainly the healing board is a great place for you to process your own Mom mil.

If this was FB and they had a "LIKE" feature, I'd hit it for that statement! 

[isshebpd]

"And makes me curious if the dynamics had in any way set off the attraction my DS felt toward his uBPD wife from whom he's now separated -- was there some spark of familiarity, I wonder?"

The first woman I fell in love had many narcissistic/histrionic traits. After months of dating and leading me on, she ripped my heart of my chest and handed it back to me :P I'm sure she did it to other men too. Tragic childhood; abandoned by mentally ill father.

The last woman I dated before I met my wife, was a gentle soul who suffered from depression, but no personality disorder.

My wife is diagnosed OCD and has been (wrongly imo) diagnosed schizoaffective in the past.

So yes, I believe having a uBPDmom made me more likely to date mentally ill women.