Timelines and goal setting

[stop2think]

The management skills of a 'rational & practical' uBPD exbf.

He was 32 yrs when i met him and single, a few months into the r/s he mentioned he wanted to get married to me. I discovered much later that he nearly proposed marriage to all his exgfs, and also liked to call a woman flirtatiously 'wifey', which he called me sometimes. I feel like his dream was to get married and have a wife. 6 months later when i accepted his multiple proposals for marriage, he began to slowly push me to talk to my folks about us. When i told him i wanted to complete my masters (uni) first before marriage (1 year course) he asked me to either pick between him and my studies or postpone it by first getting married to him. I chose him, and postponed my plans. He also clearly told me several times he would NOT wait for me for an year by when he would be 33 years, because he is not getting any younger. I was given a ultimatum, as per his calculations and rational thinking he wants to be married before May 2013. His older sister is 37 yrs and unmarried. I believe he feared living alone while his friends and cousins younger to him were married and have kids.

He achieved it - but with someone else, dumped me in January and chose to go for arranged marriage.

His motto in life was 'Be practical and rational'!

Is this related to BPD?

Any similar experiences or thoughts on this?

[crystalclear]

  S2T,

Oh my exbf wanted to stay ahead of the game. I got the similar target timelines to commit and he wanted to be in control of where the r/s was heading.

All his wants and needs,  as per his 'timelines'. I think its about control and domination for them.

CC

[stop2think]

All his wants and needs,  as per his 'timelines'. I think its about control and domination for them.

So true. Initially he seemed to be interested in what i wanted and like\dislike. Since it was a LDR just like yours, he tried to control most things i did later on. He would sulk and then get angry if i did anything fun - going for parties, for concerts, dance classes, guitar classes or go out for drinks with my friends.

Even when he knew i am out with my friends, he would call in a hours time or so. Checking on me every especially when i am out. I mistook control for care.