Relationship breakdowns

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I'm right there with you, Cumulus, you say it well!  I also wonder if I'm confusing needs with values.  Geez, I guess this could go on ad infinitum 

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[heartandwhole]

I'm right there with you, Cumulus, you say it well!  I also wonder if I'm confusing needs with values.  Geez, I guess this could go on ad infinitum 

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[qkslvrgirl]

Relaxing your boundaries is like relaxing your values: violate one and you violate the other. Your needs are based on your values. A pwN/BPD overrides and smothers your values and your needs like a dense FOG... . remember?

The confusion is that we don't relax our values (boundaries) - we relax our emotional guard. Unfortunately this is an open invitation to the PDs close to us (friends, family, lovers). Have you noticed that just when you feel relaxed and a bit happy, they are there to pounce on you?

What we run from is the discomfort of people bumping, bruising, trampling, and otherwise wreaking havoc in our space. PwPDs feed off our emotions - positive or negative. They drain us like vampires.

Actually those painful moments are what illuminate our limiting beliefs or emotional baggage: We have every right to wake up and change the situation.

Unfortunately for us, we want to avoid emotional discomfort AND are afraid of change. Too bad, because this really is the way out of Oz.

[heartandwhole]

What we run from is the discomfort of people bumping, bruising, trampling, and otherwise wreaking havoc in our space.

Yes, that nails it for me, qkslvrgirl. It seems like I'm often trying to "shield" myself from that discomfort.  I'm getting better though. I'm starting to feel more comfortable with my boundaries in less emotional situations - practice for the tough ones.  I think the key, as you said, is to forge ahead through the discomfort.  I like dreaming, but I want out of Oz.