DS Plans to Reconcile

[Our abuse recovery guide]

I am sitting with very mixed, conflicted emotions about this news that DH and I just learned from our son this morning. Obviously of course this is his decision and we have told him over and over we are here to support him whatever he decides. BUT... . and much as I hate that caveat... . I feel that he's in for a very rocky road (and I'll be honest, so are we as his parents and the in-laws and grandparents to our GS) should he commit to a building a relationship to DIL while she rebuilds a life with the issues she has. The only thing I said to DS is I hope that if he does decide to do this that he can confirm as best he can that DIL is firm and resolute to owning up to her problems as she appeared to be in some denial about them, that it may be a long and difficult road to recovery and that she get a T who understands the disorder it appears she has so they can work through the myriad of issues toward resolution -- the T she currently has does not appear to be equipped to handle this properly.

I can't help it. I want what's best for DS and GS. I'm not sure uBPD DIL is what's best for him with her dysfunctional background and issues that so far she's been unwilling to acknowledge.  However, this is not my life to lead.  DH and I have been opening our home to our child and grandchild but we have to give them their lives to lead. Just as I need to give DIL her space to acknowledge her issues, I have to give space to allow growth for healing for all of them. PwBPD can get better... . I have to believe that. I have to believe there at T's out there to help her, to help this family I love. I given them this much and now it's up to the powers that have brought us here to provide the next steps for proper intervention to allow healing and further growth, whatever direction that may ultimately lead - I will need to accept.

Have there been other success stories? I'd love to hear, if so... .

[mil2bpd]

I am sitting with very mixed, conflicted emotions about this news that DH and I just learned from our son this morning. Obviously of course this is his decision and we have told him over and over we are here to support him whatever he decides. BUT... . and much as I hate that caveat... . I feel that he's in for a very rocky road (and I'll be honest, so are we as his parents and the in-laws and grandparents to our GS) should he commit to a building a relationship to DIL while she rebuilds a life with the issues she has. The only thing I said to DS is I hope that if he does decide to do this that he can confirm as best he can that DIL is firm and resolute to owning up to her problems as she appeared to be in some denial about them, that it may be a long and difficult road to recovery and that she get a T who understands the disorder it appears she has so they can work through the myriad of issues toward resolution -- the T she currently has does not appear to be equipped to handle this properly.

I can't help it. I want what's best for DS and GS. I'm not sure uBPD DIL is what's best for him with her dysfunctional background and issues that so far she's been unwilling to acknowledge.  However, this is not my life to lead.  DH and I have been opening our home to our child and grandchild but we have to give them their lives to lead. Just as I need to give DIL her space to acknowledge her issues, I have to give space to allow growth for healing for all of them. PwBPD can get better... . I have to believe that. I have to believe there at T's out there to help her, to help this family I love. I given them this much and now it's up to the powers that have brought us here to provide the next steps for proper intervention to allow healing and further growth, whatever direction that may ultimately lead - I will need to accept.

Have there been other success stories? I'd love to hear, if so... .

[GeekyGirl]

No matter what happens, this is a difficult journey for your DS, and although it's going to be tough, it's good that you're there to support him and your GS.

People with BPD can get better. It takes a lot of work (and support and encouragement from others), but they can get better. There are a number of people on this site who have BPD and have spent a significant amount of time working on themselves. It's actually a very good sign that your DIL is already seeing a T, as that means that she is willing to get help and work on herself.

How can you support your son (and DIL) through this? What do you think is the best thing for your GS in the long run?